misc...

It's been about 6 months since we moved to New York. It's been really interesting how the move has already done some good for me internally. A year before this move I had gone to see a therapist who helped me understand some of the challenges I've experienced with my upbringing. Nothing out of the ordinary, probably most people from my generation have parents who did their best to raise us, but unintentionally hurt us in the process. No need to get into it now, but the important thing is I now can recognize why I react to certain situations in such a dramatic way. And becoming a mom has made all of that more apparent and gave me more urgency to heal any old wounds. 

After losing my father almost 2 years ago. I found myself in a different role in the family. I have been taking care of my parents, but when dad died I really had to step up. And when the time came to move away, I felt guilty for leaving my mom alone in California. However, because everything does happen for a reason, the timing of everything felt like dad was giving us a chance to start healing. Mom became active with a group of Buddhist volunteers that occupied her time. She developed new friendships. She found a new independence. Me on the other side of the country found a new freedom to be myself. I made new friends and made sure they were the type of people I need to build a support system. I am learning to say no to things I didn't have the courage to turn down. I'm allowing myself to rest and enjoy taking better care of myself. 

I am learning to just be. I even took a nap today before teaching instead of cleaning up. My body clearly needed it and I think because of it I was in a clearer mental state for the rest of the day. I think Oliver felt it too and for the first time in weeks, he didn't ask me to stay in his room at bedtime.

The next few months will be interesting when Oliver starts going to school everyday from 9-3. I know I'll miss him so much. He's so grown up now and beautiful as ever. What a sweet boy. Even though lately we've had a few dramatic moments, I am determined to keep our connection so we can both pass this test of each other's patience. 

I'm tired now. I should get some rest.