Crawling, walking, talking, potty training...what's next? As my child becomes less dependent on me, I am starting to think about what's next for me? What new parenting skills do I need to learn to keep up with his never-ending curiosity? I've already become a construction truck expert, do I need to start playing soccer or baseball?
Those things are much more fun and easy compared to the most important thing I need to learn: letting go. It's a skill that I do not possess and desperately need to learn. I have held on to wonderful memories as well as painful experiences. I've held on to the praises I have received, but they are overshadowed by the criticisms that are held even closer. I've tried to control, even when I know it's really not my call.
With all these weighing on my shoulders, life has brought me a soon-to-be-three-year-old "life coach." As a proud parent of a bright and sweet child whom I love dearly, I must admit I often feel beaten by the end of the day. My son Oliver treats Lego-playing like it's a full-time job. It is fun to watch how focused and creatively his mind works. However, after 5 months of this daily exercise, it's just not that much fun for me anymore. There's not a story told at bedtime without an interruption of how he thinks the story should go. (Cute, but a real test for my patience.) Meal times are always a struggle, even though I know it's only a phase.
I hear it loud and clear: Let it go! When you take a step back, none of this matters. It's just in the moment and the repetition that can build a lot of toxic energy. And what it comes down to, is that in this relationship, my own needs aren't being met. I've gotten so used to putting his needs first, I am not sure I know what I need. And honestly, I've been "wrong" so many times, I am not even sure if I know what he needs.
As I finish my term as club President at the end of this month, I am once again faced with letting go. In the past year, I trusted my instincts to do what I felt the club needed. From switching to bigtent.com as our members-only website, to helping to start the Hollywood sister chapter, it wasn't all a smooth ride. I did my best, and can only hope that everyone has, in one way or another, benefit from the changes. This position has allowed me to connect with so many amazing women. And I appreciate what this experience has done for me in preparation for whatever comes next.
It's been a pleasure offering support to all of you.
Ann Dooley
P.S. It looks like moving to New York is becoming a reality. This will be the biggest challenge of letting go I have to face, but I am excited about the possibilities.
