Baby Milestone -Seven Months

The difference between 6 and 7 months is huge. On February 8th, Oliver had his first "crawl". He was in his room, while Chris and I sat on the chair watching him struggle. He was determined and had his eyes on the toy near my foot. It took about 5 minutes for him to army crawl and frog leap over to the toy that was about a foot away. We were so happy for him, and felt slightly bad for his frustration. Then each day that passed, he moved a little farther, a little faster. In the mornings we'd read together on the rug in his room. He'd crawl closer to grab the book, and I'd rotate just a little to the right and we move in sync like the arms of a clock...that went on for a few more days until one morning, Oliver crawled away towards his toy box. He proceeded to pull it out and try to pull himself up and look inside. I panicked for a moment and thought "I need to baby proof the house ASAP!"

Since then Oliver has been moving around the house, trying out new moves, going from crawling to sitting (super strong abs!), trying to pull himself up to standing. He aimed right for the power outlet, he moves to the front door and tries to reach the door knob. He has definitely discovered this new ability to move, and is on an adventure around the house.

It wasn't long before I found him sitting up in his crib, holding onto the side of the bed. It's a sad sight, but also very adorable. He also has no fear of heights. Chris tosses him in the air, swing him around, and Oliver just loves it and laughs the whole time.

Oliver has also been trying to talk. For days he would make the "bbbb" sound and blow out air. 3 days later, he finally got "baba!" out of his system. I've also heard "googoo" and lots of other sounds like feels like they're words making up a sentence.
His bottom tooth finally came out, and another on it's way with 2 more on top.

I think Oliver is a little multi-tasker, don't you think?

Work In Progress

Counting the first month I took off work before Oliver's birth, I've been home for about 8 months. I can't believe how much time and how quickly the days have gone by. Baby brain is still making things easy to forget, but I do know it's been difficult making adjustments to my new life. Oliver continues to do well and making great strides. He's happy, healthy, and has been a wonderful sleeper. I have no complaints except for occasionally he likes to chew on my hair and pull on them.

Myself on the other hand has been on a roller coaster ride that I'm hoping to get off soon. It's as if when I gave birth I used not only my physical strength to endure labor, but I also lost some of my emotional strength. It's understandable that with the hormones going crazy, a little bit of postpartum depression is to be expected. I just didn't think I'd have such a hard time adjusting. It is so much better than the first few months, but there are still some lingering issues I need to deal with.

As the months go by, a little bit of my old self comes back. I've lost all the baby weight. I've been cleaning and organizing the house from top to bottom. I've got all of our taxes done early. I even finished a book project with practical tips to help other first-time moms. I've got a great set up with a nanny who comes 3 times a week so I can get chores and errands done. A cleaning lady who helps with the kitchen, bathrom, and the floors, the gardeners come every week too. All that's left for me to do is focus on taking care of Oliver and the household stuff.

So when I was still feeling anxious and frustrated, I didn't know why or what to do. Is it my need to have control, or my inability to relax and enjoy people helping me? Do I miss having a career? Why don't I see taking care of Oliver as being productive? Is it too early to try to find answers, maybe I need to wait they'll surface on their own?

I finally searched online for "adjusting to being a stay at home mom". I was surprised by how many other moms shared the same confusion. We all were good at doing tasks and finishing projects that shows clear results that can be measured. Taking care of a baby and making him happy is the result, but so often it's credited to the baby being born with an easy temperament. Or, the result of all the hard work will reveal itself 18 years from now.

Work in progress, transitioning, adjusting. Whatever it's called I'm right in the middle of it and can't see very clearly where I'll end up. It's not a place I enjoy and I have to remind myself not to over think things. I did make some progress. I realized that I've spent so much time working on being the best "ME" I can be to society, to my family, my job, I'm stuck in that mode. And with my new mom title, I just want to be the best mom I can be. I don't know why I see them as 2 separate roles, but as of right now I'm feeling the pressure of trying to pick a side.

I may be I'm one of those people who believes you have to struggle for the end result to be worthy of the time and suffering. Just like my 22 hour labor without an epidural, I wanted to experience childbirth with every painful contraction only to end up in a c-section. Maybe a part of me still haven't resolved those feelings, that instead of seeing the result of having a healthy baby and healthy mom, I am focused on not able to carry out something I planned for 9 months. So I agonized over whether to return to work or stay home. And who will take care of the baby if I went back to work. I'm stressing over not doing "enough" for being home. And sees being home as me being lazy or not driven, and having help as me not adequate enough to do it all myself. There is the part of me that feels undeserving of the luxury and guilty for the freedom. All these emotions feels unnecessary if I can just accept that things are different now and my "plan" has to evolve too. And it is, and I am. It's just uncomfortable in the process.

So what I really should learn from this is to be more like Oliver. He has no plans, he takes one day at a time. He doesn't suppress any of his emotions. He asks for help when he needs it. He tries new things everyday. He learns new skills and practices them. He laughs at whatever life throws at him. He knows he is loved and is very happy to share his love with a big smile. I should remember these lessons. It makes you wonder why he has chosen this time to be in my life.

Baby Steps

When Oliver was about 2 months old, I started reaching out to friends who recently had babies for advice. I was having a hard time recovering from the delivery. With the lack of sleep, and me being stubborn about doing the same tasks I used to around the house, my energy and spirit was at my all time low. When you are in that position and the hormones working against you, it is really hard to see the experience of having a baby as "enjoyable". I loved Oliver more than anything, but I did not love the way I felt each day.

After getting some encouragement from those who have been through it, I had to think positive that things will get better. During that time I started to think about writing a helpful guide for first time moms to survive the first 3 months after birth. There were so many things I learned during that time that if I were to do it over I would change. I started to jot down notes and gather helpful tips. I think having that focus also helped keeping my mind off of my sleep deprivation and my internal conflict about my career life. Although each day felt long and tiring, the baby brain makes you forget how hard it was. That must be nature's way of keeping the civilization alive, otherwise who would do this over and over again?

So by the time Oliver was 6 months old, I was ready to put the book together. I was motivated by our good friend who was due on Valentine's Day. So that gave me a deadline to finish and ready to present. With my show and tell bag packed, I was off to Kinko's to get my first book bound. It looked quite impressive I thought to myself as the guy behind the counter came back with a book with an image of Oliver's little feet on the cover. "BabySteps-Simple tips to help first time mom survive the first three months" was the title. By Ann Dooley. Inspired by Baby Oliver.

The visit to my friend's house was a success. She looked amazing, resting her hand on her belly. She seemed calm and comfortable for the most part. We had a great time going over all the tips. I was surprised and happy that I was able to answer all of her questions. I felt energized and wanted to do more for her, but it was time to head home to Oliver.

Two days after, we saw her husband's facebook update saying she has gone into labor. I was excited and nervous for them. I almost felt like I was going to have a baby. The next day we heard the great news that she had a baby girl. It brings back memories of when we first met Oliver and how tiny he was. And that same night, Oliver made a huge step, he crawled for the first time! it took some time and frutration, but he moved all on his own for about a foot to pick up a toy. I was amazing watching him figuring it out. One day he was lifting body up with his arms straight and falling, the next day he can push himself back up, then the day after he can lift his legs up too. And finally he put all the pieces together and reached out. How amazing it is to see these transitions. I don't even want to blink so I don't miss anything.

I can't wait to meet Oliver's new friend and check in to see if they've tried out the tips from my book.