The Past 2 Years

Ok. So 2 years have gone by and I haven't written a thing. I can't remember much, but I know why I haven't written an update. I had a baby! The sweetest cutest boy who is now 1.5 years old and loves to say "yeh!!" The two beautiful boys are keeping me busy and I love being their mom.

Harrison is so different from Oliver. From the start his sleeping habits was just the opposite. We had a tough time getting him to sleep. I ended up using a sleep consulting service which helped so much. Harrison eats everything. He loves fish and shrimp. He's very active and outgoing. He loves to greet people and cheer after every song. He isn't really talking yet but understands everything in English and Chinese. He points and signs and nods or shakes his head. It seems he communicates so well there's no need to speak. He goes to a gym class and a mommy and me class. He really enjoys being in the classes and participates in everything with so much enthusiasm. He has the greatest smile and laughs. He is so lucky to have such a caring and loving big brother who has to put up with a lot changes since he came along. I'm so happy they have each other.

A couple highlights. We sold our house in LA and bought a studio co-op down the street for my mother in law to live. With her being so close, I'm able to go pick up Oliver while she comes over to stay with Harrison. That was a big project getting approved by the co-op and probably some of the most stressful days of my life, but it was all worth it.

The biggest change happened not to myself but to my mom. She reunited with an old friend who turned out had been secretly in love with her for the last 34 years. Dad passed away 4 years ago and it's been lonely for my mom being by herself in California. Since then she's moved back to Taiwan and has been enjoying time with her companion. I'm really happy for her for having this chance to enjoy life and be taken care of. I don't think any of us ever thought this would happen, but everything happens for a reason and when there's an opportunity to be happy, you just have to take a chance.

So basically other than taking care of the baby, I was moving one mom closer and one mom to the other side of the world. What's weird is that I don't really have a big project like that lined up anymore. I have also learned that I need to take better care of myself and not only focus on getting things done.

A few other things that happened recently are my childhood best friend separated from her husband of 12 years. Another friend, same thing happened after 17 years. News like that really shook me and made me want to focus more on my marriage. We all get caught up in the day to day stress with work and taking care of the children. It is easy to neglect our most important relationship when we get used to the routine. I took those news as a sign that I should work hard to maintaining good communication and relationships, not just in my marriage but in friendships as well. I like that the universe sends signs like that.

Another big news, my old boss at Disney was let go after 17 years. It was so shocking and painful to know that he was so devoted to the company. He is one of the most creative artist I've ever met. I have so much respect for him. He built my career and has been a mentor for me since I interned for him. Knowing that he was no longer at Disney felt like I lost my only "home" in LA after my mom moved away. The good news is his daughter lives in New York, so there's a good chance I'll actually see him more. Who knows maybe someday I'll work for him again.

I think the most important change in the last 2 years has been my awareness of my feelings, positive and negative. I've always been big on self help books and finding ways to strengthen my inner self. I feel more confident in my ability and strength to be responsible for my actions, to correct mistakes, to learn from them, to become clearer about who I am and who I want to be, or what I want to be. I've made some good friends since moving to New York, and those I kept in touch with in LA are close to my heart too. Maybe it's because I lost a dear friend since I moved here and the reason according to her was that I didn't value her time as much as I valued my own. That, was another wake up call. Although I have my own opinion on what was really the reason we broke up, either way it's a reminder for me to be there for my friends. Maybe it's because I turn 40 this year. I think I have to take everything I have learned this far and apply them. I want to be a good example for my children. I want to build a lasting marriage with my husband and for my children to have that support. I want to feel at peace with my decisions in life and find joy everyday.

Hopefully I'll have another update in less than 2 years. Until then, a reminder to myself of my favorite quote. "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Catching up

I'm 3 days away from meeting our new baby boy. I am feeling great most of the time except at night trying to sleep and dealing with the heat and humidity. This pregnancy started out rough but really has been great after the first trimester. I think all the walking in NY has helped keep my body in better condition. I didn't put on as much weight, and is much more mobile than when I has pregnant with Oliver. Even being so close to the delivery I'm still very active and keeping a pretty regular schedule.

The last few months as part of my planning and nesting I've been busy taking care of our finances and any updates to our apartment. I had a long list, but was very disciplined in getting things done. I'm glad that I was able to take care of all the major projects including selling of our house in LA and getting a financial advisor to help us with the money.

Each week since Oliver's been out of school I have been planning weekly outings and emailing his friends so he can meet up with his friends. I've become good friends with Marisa whose 2 boys John and Jude play very well with Oliver. Marisa used to work for Martha Steward Wedding so we have a lot to talk about other than our kids. A few months back another friend Stephanie, Sacha, Elaine, and Marisa took me out to brunch as a baby shower. I felt so loved and special knowing that in Brooklyn I have many new friends who care so much about me. And they are all really wonderful genuine people. One thing I said during brunch was that I never imagined my life like this 2 years ago. When Chris and I talked about moving to NY, I felt comfortable with the idea because of one of my closest friend Heejo was living here. Hard to believe that we had a falling out and she's no longer in my life. However the new direction my life has taken is a path I feel confident and strongly about.

I feel for the first time I have more control over my own life and know where to set my boundaries. I know I'll be very busy taking care of the baby, Oliver, and our home. And I'm looking forward to starting my career as a parenting instructor when the time comes. It's taken me 38 years to get here, and I'm grateful for every good and bad experience that guided me to where I am today.

Spring 2013

After all the craziness of the beginning of the year, things took a turn after our re-do new year's party. And I must say that it's been all very good transitions.

The big news is that Chris and I are expecting our second child. It was a big decision that I had a lot of trouble making. Things were just starting to get easier with Oliver and I was at a place where I need to figure out if I get a job or figure out a way to have some "Ann" life. I spent many months with this heavy decision on my shoulder, talking to my mom friends about their experience and their decision whether to have 1 or 2 or 3 children. In the end, there was a part of me that knew that I would definitely feel regret someday for Not having another. Especially seeing how well Oliver is turning out and my dedication to raising a good human being, I was finally able to commit to the decision to start trying. Luckily it didn't take long. And as of today I'm 27 weeks along with another boy. The first trimester was really tough. I was tired and nauseous all the time, but since then it's been wonderful.

Another big news came from Chris's company. We moved to New York so he can head up the office here. Because of some accounting issues and business slowing down the last few years, they came to the conclusion that they need to close their business. It was something we sort of saw coming and I think it was just the right time to move on. Although it wasn't what we had planned by moving here, but we felt more positive about this big change than fear of what we'll do to make a living. In the past year I really learned to be in the present and just go with the flow. I believe in Chris's talent and that whatever comes next will be just as good or better. We carried that attitude all the way through the process of selling all the equipments and moving out of the office, to figuring out what options we have. At this point we know our family is growing and it was important to cut back and take control over our finances. I was also looking into what I can do to help out and the universe provided some answers for us.

After trying out being a children's photographer, running errands for the neighbor, arts and crafts teacher, mandarin teacher, and looking to starting a recycling crafts business and starting my own professional organizer business...I found a place that has a stud-at-home certificate program to become a parenting instructor. I had thought about that many times before but never found anything that worked for my schedule. When I came across the Breakthrough Parenting program, it was on a not very attractive website. I had the idea of trading graphic design services for getting the program. And to my surprise they agreed to it. Then came months of me studying and working on the workbook and verbal test. I took some time off during my first trimester feeling too sick to study, but shortly after that in March 2013, I received my certificate and was thrilled to have completed something I set out to do, and something I truly feel passionate about.

I was eager to start a class, but because of schedule conflicts and parents not being available when I am able to teach. I was not able to start teaching. There was a part of me that felt insecure too, and decided that there's a reason why it's not working out now. So I continue to study the material, going to Starbucks once a week to read and take notes. Meanwhile practicing what I have learned with Oliver who is now 4.5 and more defiant than ever. Also I would have "sessions" with Oliver's school friend Joseph's mom and coach her for practice. I feel that was the right move since I now feel more confident about teaching. And when the time comes after I take some time off with the baby, I plan to start teaching on a more regular basis.

During Oliver's spring break, we took a trip to LA (March 16-26, 2013) This was a chance for us to see our good friends and family before the baby comes. It also gives Len and Elaine the time to start remodeling our bathroom! I had seen the work they did in the other apartments and sort of sweet talked my way into having ours done before the baby comes. It was nice to know that they like us enough to spare no expense and gave us the best most luxurious bathroom in the whole building. Every time we shower it's like being at the spa. It really makes our home life here even better.

Our visit to LA was just perfect. We're down to a handful of friends who we truly enjoy their company. I even was able to squeeze in a facial. We had lovely dinners and fun outings with the family. And we even went on a short vacation at a camp site called El Capitan near Santa Barbara. We stayed at a cabin with a king size bed, mini kitchen and bathroom. We had our own picnic table and fire pit. We look out the window and see trees and mountains. It was such a different scene but exactly what we needed at the end of a social week. We built a fire and had a bbq. walked to the beach and had fun enjoying the fresh air.

When we returned to Brooklyn, the bathroom was still not in good shape for us to be back in our apartment. So Len and Elaine had us stay with them for a few nights. It was wonderful to be taken care of like we are at a bed and breakfast. Oliver got to spend a lot of time playing with them and it was actually a good way to ease back into our routine. After a few days we were able to return home and finally sleep in our own beds. There were a few hiccups along the way with the remodel, but it's all coming together nicely.

A few weeks before going to LA we had decided it was best for us to sell our house. Now that we are expecting another child we no longer can fit in that house. Also it was just another expense that wasn't really helping us out financially. So with the changes in Chris's job, our families's needs, and us wanting to stay in NY, we moved forward with the sale. We introduced the broker to our tenants and everything took off quickly from there. A week later we had a photoshoot and website for the house. Then they had an open house which we got 19 offers mostly above asking price. With one round of counter offers, we ended up choosing a great buyer and had a 14 day escrow. Everything wrapped up in about a month and we are very happy to have sold it at a good time. It was a great house and we got to really enjoy it while we were there. Now we are happy renting without the stress of taking care of a property, especially to be in a beautiful neighborhood with lovely landlords who loves us and treats us so well.

It really feels like we took control over our life and simplified everything to the bare essential. Less stress worrying about material things and more time to focus on the family and our healthy and our future. I often feel so lucky how stress free my life is now, and looking forward to just enjoying our little family and whatever adventures to come.

2013 Craziness

The end of 2012 to the start of 2013 has to be the craziest days of our lives. It all started when our Honeybaked ham delivery went missing. Someone from UPS probably ate it. Then, Dad and Joan came to visit us for a week. It was fun spending time with them, especially for Oliver, but it was also very tiring to be out all the time in the cold weather. To add to the holiday stress, we went to Macy's to see Santa and waited 3 hours. Oliver was so patient the whole time. Dad almost passed out while waiting in line. And Oliver ended up saying after we got home "That's the last time we'll be doing that." Then Joan had some allergic reaction to something and they ended up spending almost a whole day at the ER on Christmas eve! 

Christmas day luckily had no major drama. We had a nice brunch at our place, with our substitute ham with a homemade glaze. Chris's mom came from New Jersey for the day and we all enjoyed a nice meal and opened "a zillion" presents. Oliver has been a very good boy all year and his presents proved it. However, the next day we woke up to the news that our good friend/landlord who is 71, fell and broke his hip. I also received an email from our tenants at Crescent Heights with a long list of repairs. Not the way I'd like to start the day.

Just when we thought we're out of the woods of bad news, we were woken up on New Year's morning at 7am by the pounding on our front door from our landlady Elaine. She had an intruder in her home standing in her bedroom!  This is while her husband is still at the hospital recovering from hip surgery. We spent New Year's day talking to the the police and trying to figure out what happened. Luckily no one was hurt and nothing was taken. We all took it as a wake up call (literally) to be more cautious and up the security of the building. 

And then...2 days later Elaine broke her toe. 

Even though these things didn't really happen to us. We've had to jump in and help take care of things. Len and Elaine are like family to us and they were so grateful we were here to help them out through a tough time. We ended up having a New-er Year dinner after Len was out of the hospital to start the year over. We each held a ball and dropped it after a count down. Oliver loved it, and I feel like that will become a new tradition for us.

The drama continues with some major changes with Chris's work that became a big stress for us. Although we've been very optimistic about changes and welcome the transition. 

Just to add a cherry on top of all the madness, my dear friend for 16 years has decided that she no longer wants to be friends with me. It makes me very sad that we've been through so much together and have grown very close, but maybe our lives are going in different directions and we have drifted apart. A very wise 4 year old said this to me. "I still want to be her friend. Maybe she is tired from playing with you. So play with some other friends for a while and maybe she will play with you again later." (Thank you Oliver, you are amazing and I really appreciate your advice.)

The good news is the Dooley 3 are resilient and feeling stronger than ever.  Did I say 3? I mean the Dooley 4!  Yes, I am now carrying baby #2. It's a much different pregnancy than with Oliver. Much more nausea and exhausted all the time. I'm at 14 weeks now and finally is feeling a little better. We haven't told Oliver yet. Waiting till we know the gender before we make him officially big brother. I'm already so proud of him for being super caring and understanding when I've been too "sick" to play with him. This baby is very lucky to have a big brother like him. 

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to teach Mandarine at Imagine, working on a some freelance design projects, and working on getting my certificate for becoming a parenting instructor. I'm excited about 2013 and feeling more calm and at ease with where I'm at in this stage of my life. I'm working towards a more simpler life filled with happiness and peace. Whatever craziness that comes our way, I feel grounded enough to handle anything. 

Fall and Winter 2012

Some interesting big stories in the last few months. President Obama got re-elected. The most interesting part of that was realizing many of my closest friends are republicans. I am not sure why that is, but I still love them. 

Another big story is Hurricane Sandy. Just a few days before Halloween, Hurricane Sandy hit the tristate area really hard. It was the worst natural disaster to hit New York in maybe 100 years. We are very lucky that we only lost our internet connection for a few hours. We stayed home with the news on. Schools were closed for 4 days. No subway for about a week since most were flooded and damaged. Chris worked from home and we got some extra family time together, but we didn't realize how bad it was until we walked to the neighborhood we usually hang out on the weekends. The flood had destroyed many businesses and left many people homeless. 

Weeks after the hurricane the city is still recovering. Elaine, my landlady and friend, invited me to go volunteer with her. I am so glad I was able to help out. It was heartwarming to see so many people there too, giving their time and energy. It's hard to really understand the devastation unless you see it. And we only saw what's on the surface...I am also glad we got to do a few different things. Elaine and I drove 3 nurses, Tracy, Jasmin, and Shannon, along with some supplies to Staten Island. We were assigned to an Occupy Sandy relief center to help sort and distribute food and supplies. Hot meals were prepared and a Christmas tree was decorated for families to have a place to celebrate the holidays. Elaine and I took a detour to visit 2 residents in the neighborhood.  Onna and Anna's home really left a strong impression. When asked "how are you doing?" The answer was just a shrug and little nod. they are just hanging in there and taking it one day at a time. On the positive side you see how strong people are and they seem to have accepted what Mother Nature has given them and can only move forward. The negative side is I feel helpless in their situation. Hopefully they have friends and family who can help them get back on their feet.

After getting home I think being tired made me feel sad about everthing I saw. I cried just to release it. Oliver comforted me. I also wanted him to appreciate what we have. And maybe part of the sadness comes from the fear of the future of our planet. However I am hopeful little geniuses like Oliver will come up with brilliant ideas.

Oliver's school friend's mom organized a bake sale to help raise funds to restore a carousel. Here's an eerie yet beautiful image of it partly underwater. (Jane's Carousel  is right next to the east river with a view of lower Manhattan in the back and set between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridge)

The bake sale was something for the children so they can offer some help. Amazingly we raised over $800 just from some cookies and lemon bars. And a friend of the Jane's who owns the carousel stopped by with her grand kids for a visit, and I got to have my photo taken with her. Yup! That's Martha Stewart, my idol. Here adorable french bull dogs and chow chows were there too!

On to other news...

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About a month ago I volunteered at Oliver's school to help make some crafts cutting and gluing felt to make an advent calendar to sell at the school fair. It was a lot of work and I end up injuring my shoulder and arms to the point where I couldn't even hold a spoon. I made an appointment at a chiropractor, but she was in lower manhattan and her building closed from the flooding and power outage. Finally this week I had it treated and I'm feeling so much better.

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For Thanksgiving, we are going to the Bouchon Bakery at Time Warner Center in Columbus Circle for brunch. The restaurant is on the 3rd floor facing glass windows that you can see the Thanksgiving Parade. It'll be a real treat for the eyes and tummy. Len's daughter Megan and her family, Dimitry, Natalie, and Amelia, will join us as well as Oliver's Grandma.

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We are flying Chris's dad and his wife to Brooklyn for Christmas. It will be nice for Oliver to spend some time with them and hopefully some night off for Chris and I to go out while they babysit. I haven't been out of the house at night in months! We had to postpone our 10 year anniversary dinner because Chris got really sick. And sadly the restaurant we wanted to go to, the River Cafe, was completely flooded and no longer in business. : (  

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Oliver, now 4 year 3 months old, is doing great in school. He's doing more writing and can read 20+ words, even some simple math. He's got mad LEGO skills, building his own car/robot that can transform. And drawing very well. He often writes his name in alternating colors, a sign of a future logo designer.

Has it really been that long?

Has it really been almost 6 months since my last entry? Time flies. In one week it will be our one year anniversary for moving to New York. And talk about time flies...a few weeks ago Chris and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary!

Well, it's been good these last few months. Oliver started school after a big decision to pull him out of Brooklyn Friends and go to Plymouth Church School. We are so happy with our decision and Oliver really loves his new school too. Oliver turned 4, and mom and Carol came to visit for 2 weeks. Len and Elaine went to South Africa so they let mom and Carol stay at their place. It was a nice drama-free visit, and I was both relieved and sad to see them go.

Before school started, early September we took a trip to Montauk for a few days. The weather wasn't great but the 3 of us got to spend some quality time together in the pool and ate good seafood and sushi.  When we returned I had a really bad cold and even got pink eye.

October I went back to teaching Mandarin at Imagine, Oliver's old preschool in Brooklyn Heights. It was nice to start making a little bit of steady income again. After trying out being a children's photographer, arts and crafts teacher. I started and stopped 2 business ideas (1. Open a place for kids doing arts and crafts using only recyclable material. 2. Becoming a professional organizer), and finally settled on becoming a certified parenting educator.

I found a place that I can do my studies from home to get certified, and came up with a proposal to redesign that company's website. I ended up talking to the cofounder of Breakthrough Parenting and they took my proposal. I haven't done any design work for them yet, but that should be happening in the next few months.

The funny thing is as soon as I decided what I wanted to do, the calls came in to do some freelance design work. The universe just works that way.

I've also been trying to take better care of myself. I started going for morning walks with Elaine. Maybe it's stress or the extra walking, but my alignment is totally off and the last few days I've been experiencing a pinched nerve numbing my right arm. And just when I scheduled an appointment to take care of that. Hurricane Sandy hit on October 29th. Where we live was ok, but all the subway systems got flooded so no one can get in or out of the city. We are very lucky that we didn't lose our power and had no damages.

In the last few months I've also been focused on getting our finances in order. I scheduled appointments to get our financial/retirement planning worked out. And I also looked into what to do with our house in LA. My whole view on whether to own or rent has changed a bit since we moved to New York. The prices are just too high to own and after having owned a house in LA it feels like it's a lot of added stress to maintain it. Where we live now we are getting to enjoy so many wonderful benefits of a good lifestyle. We love Len and Elaine and they treat us so well. Plus Oliver can go to a public school and we'll be able to save that money for his college. I can see many benefits of staying here and renting and manage our money well.

So many changes, but all good.

Until next time...

misc...

It's been about 6 months since we moved to New York. It's been really interesting how the move has already done some good for me internally. A year before this move I had gone to see a therapist who helped me understand some of the challenges I've experienced with my upbringing. Nothing out of the ordinary, probably most people from my generation have parents who did their best to raise us, but unintentionally hurt us in the process. No need to get into it now, but the important thing is I now can recognize why I react to certain situations in such a dramatic way. And becoming a mom has made all of that more apparent and gave me more urgency to heal any old wounds. 

After losing my father almost 2 years ago. I found myself in a different role in the family. I have been taking care of my parents, but when dad died I really had to step up. And when the time came to move away, I felt guilty for leaving my mom alone in California. However, because everything does happen for a reason, the timing of everything felt like dad was giving us a chance to start healing. Mom became active with a group of Buddhist volunteers that occupied her time. She developed new friendships. She found a new independence. Me on the other side of the country found a new freedom to be myself. I made new friends and made sure they were the type of people I need to build a support system. I am learning to say no to things I didn't have the courage to turn down. I'm allowing myself to rest and enjoy taking better care of myself. 

I am learning to just be. I even took a nap today before teaching instead of cleaning up. My body clearly needed it and I think because of it I was in a clearer mental state for the rest of the day. I think Oliver felt it too and for the first time in weeks, he didn't ask me to stay in his room at bedtime.

The next few months will be interesting when Oliver starts going to school everyday from 9-3. I know I'll miss him so much. He's so grown up now and beautiful as ever. What a sweet boy. Even though lately we've had a few dramatic moments, I am determined to keep our connection so we can both pass this test of each other's patience. 

I'm tired now. I should get some rest.