Busy as usual

I realize that I've been starting many of my entries by saying "it's been a while since my last entry..." It's true, it has been a while and as usual I've been very productive.

I've been updating my RubyLove blog more lately so I can start to connect with my online customers. I've found that by taking the time to share my thoughts, create special promotions, emailing existing customers. I have made quite a few connections not only on a business level, but also from a personal level. I now can call some of these girls (mostly in their mid teens) my little sisters. I not only feel excited that I've found my target consumers, but I've also been inspired by these young girls who have so much to offer. I also have gained a new sense of responsibility to setting a good example for them.

Work has been more busy than usual also. Our department has taken on more work, and leaving later than the normal hour is common, but it helps to not have to drive home in traffic. I am now in charge of working on special pieces for the Burbank Airport, taking the poster art and reconfigure them into different formats to fit the space available. I've done that for "Enchanted" and "National Treasure 2" already and starting to get the hang of working with one piece of art. I think years of playing Tetris was very helpful to visual make things fit.

Last month, Chris and I celebrated our 5-year anniversary by taking a few days off. We've been trying to find a place to go...Ireland? Hawaii? Arizona? It was nice to look at the website for all of those places, but it was difficult to commit to any one of them. Traveling that involves flying just takes up so much time. And being as busy as we are, the quicker we can get to our destination the better. So we decided on Palm Springs, but chose a hotel that was more fun and interesting to stay at for our weekend getaway.

We stayed at the Parker, a pretty design-y looking place that feels very european and retro chic. They have a spa and several pools, a fancy restaurant and a more casual one, and the grounds are covered with mediterrean style landscaping. For the 4 days we were there, we took advantage of the surroundings, and did a quick photoshoot for RubyLove- Chris was the photographer, I was the model. The rest of the time we spent at the spa getting massages, and reading by the pool. I brought along "Eat, Pray, Love" and Chris read "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band" Both are memoirs and very good read.





Our last day there started when we got woken up at 7am from the fire alarm. We grabbed a few things and rushed out the door. The Santa Ana wind was blowing very hard those few days and there were fires everywhere in California. Luckily it was a false alarm.

We ended the trip by stopping at the outlet on our way home and stocked up on a new winter wardrobe. And still had time after we got home to catch up on all the shows we missed and recorded while we were away.

Since we've been back, I've had a huge wholesale order for RubyLove. Chris has found a new office space in Culver City. And we've been getting up early and walking up to Sunset Blvd. most mornings and weekends to stay in shape. We're both looking forward to the holidays and getting together with friends and family...and hopefully a little more relaxation.

Dream a little dream

So since the miscarriage I've been doing pretty well looking at the brighter side of things. At times I still really miss the happiness I felt talking to my belly. Other times I looked forward to having those feelings back again. I don't shy away from the subject. It's the same reason why I posted in my blog. It happened, it was unfortunate and sad, but we pick up the pieces and remember how good it was.

The other night I had a dream. I had been thinking and wishing that if there are spirits, I hope our little angel has moved on to a happy place. Chris and I had been talking about planting something in the yard as a memorial, but haven't looked into what type of plant to get. Then I had a dream...

I dreamed that I was upstairs with these 2 women who told me my baby is sick. They said it was something with the arteries and I need to go downstairs. When I went down, I saw a very small crying baby. But when I picked her up, she started to smile. She had the perfectly round face, and she pointed to a woman next to me. Then she said in Spanish! "She's been taking care of me" And then later they said the baby's name is Laurel Leaf.

I woke up that morning with those clear images in my mind. I felt happy and relieved. I didn't know if it was my subconscious mind soothing my worries, or that it was a message. Whatever it was it made me feel really good. And the fact that the name was a plant was especially odd. So I looked it up, and the Laural tree has little tiny yellow flowers. I think we now know what plant to buy.

The day finally came...

First of all, I debated for a while whether or not to keep those photos or even post them. It's not common for anyone to speak freely about a loss such as the one we experienced. And I decided that this is apart of our lives, and as sad as it was at the time, it will not be remembered as a sad experience.

On August 8th, 2:15 pm. Our first doctor's appointment, and what was supposed to be our first ultrasound to hear the heart beat of the baby we've already fell in love with at 9 weeks. We found out the disappointing news through the ultrasound, that there was no fetus growing inside me. My body just had a delay in catching up to it and was still functioning as if everything was fine. It was confusing at first because we didn't know this can happen, but the doctor assured us that it was very common especially for first time pregnancy. And it's something that the body does when it knows the cells would not grow into a healthy baby, there wasn't anything we could have done to prevent it. It is unfortunately, but it just happens. If we had not seen the doctor at that time, I would have a miscarriage naturally within 2 weeks.

It doesn't make it any easier to accept what happened, but that was all we can do. And the moment we looked forward to for 9 weeks turned into grieving for our loss. It was a moment that brought Chris and I closer than ever, we had to be there for one another for the life we created and lost. And we allowed ourselves the time to feel those emotions and adjust to living our life the way we did 9 weeks prior.

However, like I said, this experience will not be remembered as a sad one. I've always been a very positive thinker in even the worse situations. I think this may top that list. Being the workaholic busy bee that I am, having a baby was a very scary thought. It wasn't about the pregnancy or raising the baby, but losing my identity as a career woman, a business owner, a wife and daughter. My time is already so packed with things to do for ourselves, I didn't know how to fit in a new life or what part of my existing life to give up.

The pregnancy was a surprise for us, we didn't think it'd happen so fast, but when it did everything changed. It was amazing how effortless your priority shifts on their own. I was taking even better care of myself. Chris was taking great care of me. And all those fears and anxiety I had didn't seem as big of a deal anymore. I felt very comfortable being pregnant, and I was happy all the time. I never took that many naps (especially in the movie theater, I slept through most of Bourne Ultimatum) I have never been as absent minded and I found it funny to be going through all those changes. And up until telling our family, Chris and I shared our little secret, a new challenge for us to face together, a new goal to become good parents.

When we found out it didn't work out for us this time, we looked on the bright side that the fact that we were able to conceive and my body for the most part reacted well was a great thing. We found a wonderful doctor who we like and trust. And with each friend we talked to who has given us so much love and support, we learned how common it really is for this to happen. And all of them later became proud parents of beautiful children.

This experience has given us a new outlook on life. And the life that was once so close to our hearts will always be remembered as the one who gave us the chance to learn so much about ourselves, our inner strength, our ability to heal, our courage to move on from heart ache. And make our hopes and dreams more clear.

Chris and I plan to plant something in the yard in memory of our loss. I hope the little angel knows we'll always think of him/her with fond memories. And to you, my dearest friends and family, Chris and I thanks you all from the bottom of our hearts for being there for us through it all.

The Big Announcement

On August 2nd, Chris and I invited the the rest of our family to Gourmet 88 in Burbank to announce the good news. It's always difficult to coordinate a get together with our family, but this time with my parents in the middle of moving out of the house they lived in for 15 years, trying to pull them away from that for a dinner was not an easy task. Not only that, when I went to pick up my parents from the house, my dad actually asked if my tummy was getting bigger (which in chinese it's the same thing as getting pregnant)! I denied it of course, not wanting to ruin the surprise. And after sitting anxiously in traffic, we finally all made it to the restaurant.

As we did with Chris's mom, we waited till after we ordered our food to break the news. Then there was cheers, tears, and hugs for about ten minute. And lots of happiness all around the table for the rest of the evening.

At the time we were 8 weeks pregnant, with our first doctor's appointment scheduled for the following week. I was feeling great, eating healthy and sleeping well. No one can guess what we'd find out at the doctor's visit. But it doesn't take away from the joy we felt that day at dinner.

Weekend in San Diego

On Friday, July 20th, Chris and I drove down to San Diego to see his mom for her birthday and to share the news about the baby. We gave ourselves enough to leisurely make our way down, and had time to stop for some food along the way. Turns out when when you get pregnant, eating and sleeping is about all you can think about. We had the best pizza at a Roundtables Pizza we found just off the freeway. I know it wasn't the healthiest food, but it sure hit the spot.

We had done enough traveling in the last few years that we earned enough points to use it for a free room at the Marriot. We had a lovely room high above to see the city...unfortunately we didn't take in consideration it was also very close to the train tracks. We found that out at 2 am.

We met up with Chris's mom for dinner at Ruth Chris's steak house where we spent her last birthday. Our plan was to wait until after we order the food. And once she found out, she was so excited she had to tell the first person she saw, our waitress Beth. Which paid off later when Beth came back with a free desert!





The next day we met at the mall for lunch with mom's friend Pat. We went to a Cuban restaurant and as I found out, outdoor umbrella lighting gives my skin a nice warm glow. I posed happily after I enjoyed my Cuban sandwich.






Mom got many new gifts from Pat for her new apartment that she was moving into, mostly purple stuff. (It's her favorite color) And I got a stack of books from mom about pregnancy and giving birth. And not to leave Chris out, he got to see his mom and his wife both very very happy!

More photos from Rushmore

Rushmore...the way everyone else sees it:


The must have photos:






We were very tired on this trip...

Up, up, and away!

On July 10th, I got to go on my first helicopter ride. And what better way to experience it than at sunrise with the pilot who worked on Transformers (the movie, not the toys) to be the very few in the world to see Mount Rushmore from the air? It was worth waking up at 3 am with only a few hours worth of sleep for sure. I was lucky enough to go with my work for the photoshoot for National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets, where the story takes place at Rushmore. We had to get a special government permit to be that close to the monument. We were as close as 75 feet away from George Washington's nose!



Because it was so close to Independence Day and also fire season, all the helicopters in the area were not available for rent. So our pilot Peter, and his father Peter Senior, flew their own helicopter from Santa Monica, California all the way to South Dakota. (Doesn't Jr. look like George W?)




It was also my first time in South Dakota (may be the last time...) it was very nice and quiet, but not much else. The most excitement we got was from the big storm passing through. We were walking around after dinner when it just started to hail! Luckily it wasn't cold, just very wet and windy.




We had our most of our meals at a brewery that used to be a firehouse. And since I was pregnant at the time, I was the designated driver...on a trip that doesn't involve me doing any driving. Although I didn't experience any morning sickness during the pregnancy, I did get motion sickness from the helicopter ride. That was the not so fun part. Other than that, I had an amazing once in a life time experience.