Oliver's first bee (wasp) sting

I took Oliver to a new park the other day. He was so excited when he saw the playground from the parking lot. Right away he spotted the train in the middle of the playground and said "I want to go on the train!" Even though there was plenty of other things to climb on and run through, we'd always return to the train. While he stays in the engine, I was asked to sit in the caboose.

This park had a lot of great features. It has a sand area which backhoes you can sit on and scoop sand. A play area that looked like a castle, a ship, and an airplane. Then there's another area that had roads with stop signs and a little gas station. There was also many slides, swings, see-saw (which he's never been on before).

Oliver loved this park and would run around and want to show me his discoveries. He also found the perfect bench for us to stop and have a snack: a box of raisins.

Another boy there had left his motorcycle toy in the road area of the park. So we borrowed it and Oliver rode it around like the coolest 2 year old boy. Especially with the jacket he wore that day, he looked like a real biker.

So we spent quit a bit of time at this park and it was almost time to go. Oliver returned to his favorite spot, the engine. For a minute, he had his back turned to me and hanging his body out the window. All of the sudden I heard him scream. The first time I actually thought he was just playing, then the second scream I ran over there. I saw there was a wasp stuck to his finger. Normally even if nothing was on him he'd get very upset, it must have hurt a lot. I remembered a while back looking up what to do when you get bee sting, so I quickly scraped off the wasp. As it was flying away, I saw a string of sticky venom coming out. Luckily there was no stinger left in Oliver's skin. He was crying and wanted to go home, but moments later he was fine and wanted to play more. It didn't look like he was getting any allergic reaction, but I was looking up on my phone/internet to see if I needed to do anything else. After washing his hands, we left the park and I saw a park ranger. So we made a detour and the ranger was able to tell me that Oliver seems ok, and gave us an ice pack. I think because the wasp was removed so quickly that Oliver only got poked, but didn't get any venom. He was totally fine and even the red mark disappeared by bath time.

Tough kid!

Another interesting interaction that day was a lesson in sharing toys and making friends. We were playing with someone else's sand toys. Another boy was nearby so I asked if Oliver wanted to play with him. So I taught him to say "Play together?", the boy didn't respond. Then later Oliver divided up the toys between the 3 of us. The boy still didn't respond. So I told Oliver that it's ok, he's not ready to play with us. So after a while, Oliver took the "assigned" toy right to the boy and left it in front of him. The boy didn't respond, but Oliver didn't push after that. When we were all done playing, I asked Oliver to collect all the toys and return to the mom who let us play with them. He did pick up each one and put it on their blanket. And later said thank you to her. I was so proud of him for doing that. And I hope he'll remember this lesson and do it on his own sometime.

A very very sad day

I don't even know where to begin. It still doesn't feel real that dad past away 3 days ago. It was the most surreal experience to receive a phone call that changed everything. I only saw him the day before, we were going to see each other again in a few days...but only when I did see him, he was lying on the floor already gone.

Mom called around 9:30 am on August 26th, 2008. She told me to stay calm, then she said dad has past away. I was in disbelief, but knew right away I had to be strong and be there for my mother who found her husband dead. My parents have not shared a bedroom in many years because of my dad snored very loud. That morning my mom woke up to use the restroom and still heard dad snore through the walls. 4 hours later, he was cold on the floor with his feet elevated while lying down. We think he was probably feeling dizzy and did that to help the blood flow. I stayed on the phone with mom while I got myself ready. Then Chris drove me and Oliver to the house as fast and safely as we could while the paramedics went to my parent's house. When I arrived, my mom was talking to the police and the paramedics informed me what I already knew. The hours after that was a lot of phone calls trying to figure out what to do next. Dad did not like talking about any planning for funerals, so he never did make any plans. I did my best to keep it together and try to comfort mom the best I could. Chris kept Oliver occupied, but I'm sure Oliver sensed something was serious and did his best to stay out of trouble.

The strange thing was Oliver never asked where is YeYeh, when his Ama and YeYeh always visited together. And other strange things happened earlier in the week. My mom taught Oliver how to say my dad's name in chinese during their weekly visit, Oliver took a 2 hour nap, then woke up asking "where is Chang Tsze Tsan?" I told him YeYeh went home. I was amazed by his memory. Dad's energy has been decreasing and he'd been complaining about not getting enough sleep for the past few years. He started to fall asleep during their visits to see Oliver. It's hard not to feel some guilt for not looking into more closely at his health. I just see dad looking the same way he looked 20 year ago, muscular and tanned. He was such a handsome man who aged into a very cute older man. I do believe knowing his personality, he down played his pains and discomfort. He's never believed in doctors and always reminded us how his friends who goes to the doctors always end up dead. He felt that the fear of whatever disease itself can kill you. And even though we know that smoking is bad, we never pushed hard for him to quit. It was what he says the only few leisure thing for him to do.

With no ambulance was called and no doctors, the police told us the coroner would do the exam to find out the cause of death. We have a few guesses ourselves, but I know that Dad would have never wanted to live with an illness that would keep him hospitalized or be in bed. I really do believe that he went in the simplest way that reflected his personality the most. He didn't bother anyone, he attempted to take care of himself by putting his feet up, and quietly he went while everyone else was asleep.

That week it was also strange that Chris came home in the middle of the day while Dad was still at our house. Chris never does that, but he forgot something and had to come back. Although it was a brief stop, he got to give Dad a hug and say good bye. The chair that Dad was sitting in hasn't been moved. it was where he sat and watched mom, myself and Oliver play. I sat in the chair today and talked to him, I was sad and miss him dearly. I know he'll continue to watch over us. And I feel like from what he saw, he probably felt that he has nothing to worry about.

These last few days have been so strange. During the day I stay strong, but then when I am tired or alone I break down. I know it's all normal and I do want to allow myself the time to grieve. I continue to have images of Dad on the floor, and the words that came out of my mom's mouth that day. I try to remember all the great times we've had, and as I remember them, I realize how sensitive and an amazing Dad he was. And I wish we had a little bit more time together because he's had a very tough few years and we are just now starting to heal.

I do feel how his death has changed the rest of us. Immediate our family was brought closer together, and we are reminded of how much we need to treasure the time we have together. My relationship with mom which has had it's ups and downs feels like it's going to make a big shift for the better. My sister and I closer and relate to one another as adults. My relationship stronger, and my desire to share stories of YeYeh with Oliver intensified. Maybe Dad has once again done something to bring a family together. That's what he would have wanted.

I love you Dad. I miss you!

The New Toddler Days

It was the most surreal feeling. I had just fallen asleep in bed for a nap when I heard quick thumping foot steps coming down the hall followed by a loud "Mommy!" A joyous toddler comes running into the room waking me up. I knew what was happening, but it took me a few seconds to accept that it was not a dream...my little baby boy just climbed out of his crib when he decided he didn't want to take a nap.

The afternoon followed was quite a struggle for me. I was actually annoyed with my adorable son, who was so proud of himself for this latest milestone. I just kept thinking "I'm not ready for this." And the next day things got even more interesting. Oliver now tests to see how far he can get away from me, while he smiles and gets farther away. He kept going until he stopped by two chairs near an exit. He said he wanted to sit because he is tired. He actually said those words, but it was like watching a kid trying to get out of being in trouble.

Another time when I played drumming videos for him from YouTube, I asked him to help me clean up the toys. He responded "I'm doing this." with his finger pointing to the computer.

I know the terrible twos is only a phase, and I guess I should appreciate the fact that he hasn't had any tantrums over things. Mostly he laughs and thinks everything is a joke and do things on purpose to see what he can get away with. Or if he doesn't like it, he uses the phrase "I'm sad." or "I'm done." which he knows that's how he can get his way. I have learned to pick my battles. I do realize it's not easy trying to outsmart a toddler.

This morning I asked him to demonstrate how he climbed out of the crib. I just wanted to make sure he doesn't hurt himself before we get his bed converted. He picked up my tone that it was not something I was happy with, and did not fall for my "trap." Part of me is concerned he might hurt himself (We have placed a rug underneath months ago just in case this happened). Another part of me actually kind of likes waking up to see his little face while I'm still in bed. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow.

Baby Milestone - Two Years Old

Since the last doctor visit 3 months ago, Oliver now weighs 29.7 lbs. (the doctor said it looked like the last weigh in at 31 lb. didn't follow the curve and is probably a mistake). He grew another inch, now at 36 inches tall. And his head grew .5 cm. The biggest change was probably how he behaved at the doctor's office. This time, he did not want to stay in the exam room, so the doctor ended up going out by the fish tank and did the check up there. However, I must mention that it wasn't that Oliver decided to start his terrible-twos behavior in front of his doctor to make a point. It was most likely because we had gotten him so excited about seeing the fish tank in the waiting room, but he didn't get to visit his fish friends long enough that got him very upset. (We arrived right at appointment time.) So next time I'll be sure to get there much earlier to give him time to settle in first.

At 2-years old, Oliver still amazes me every day. He is talking so much more, 4-5 word sentences in both English and Chinese. He is using proper grammer, often says "I'm watching", "I'm done." And loves to describe things like "The blue trash can is behind the car." He is even singing the ABC song and Chinese version of Twinkle Twinkle little star. I have looked this up, and he's probably at a 3 year old level in speech skills. And I think most strangers can understand more than half of what he says, especially when he always remembers to say "Thank you", "Please", "Bless you", "Excuse me" (sometime adding psss...psss at the end because I did it once.) and sometimes "You're welcome".

Oliver still loves music. He now sings while he's playing with his toys, and dances whenever he hears music. He is interested in other musical instruments such as the cymbals, saxophone, and violin. It seems that he just gets excited about music and even recognizes the sound of the piano when he hears it. Every once in a while I'll find a video on YouTube to show him how an instrument works and sounds. He always watches intently and I feel like he's just absorbing it all until he gets his hands on one for real. When we are in the car he also asks me to turn up the music or to skip a song that he doesn't want to hear.

Since we stopped taking classes a few months ago, we've just been having more play dates and going out more. We love riding the trolley at the Grove, and the zoo is still one of our favorites. Most places we go now he's able to walk most of the way himself. He's good about stopping at the intersection, and always looks for a ramp to walk across instead of stepping up and down the curbs. He is very good about stopping at a sign or red light, and reminds me to go when the light turns green. And at the play ground, he is always waits for his turn.

Oliver continues to be helpful around the house. Now he can help open and close the car door, take off his own shoes and put them away when he gets home. He's good about letting me put on sunscreen before going out. And even though he now says "no" sometimes, he still does it eventually or we do it together. I'm always happily surprised when I walk away and come back to see the toys put away. One day we brought home a bunch of stuff from Costco, he started to help me bring in the boxes one by one from the car to the house. It was so nice for him to help, and he didn't just carry the light stuff!

When we are out, it doesn't take too much work to get him to leave with me when it's time to go. I try to let him know what's coming after we leave so there's something to motivate him. Then we say bye and thank you to the place or toys before we go. If we are with friends, he'll always give them a hug or high five. Those times I really do feel lucky and spoiled that I don't have to carry a crying baby out of a store.

And when it comes to sharing, Oliver is the most generous baby I know. He never gets upset when someone else takes his toy. I have explained to him when that happens that it's because the other person really wants to play too but hasn't learned to share. And a quick replacement of something else usually is ok with him. He has always loved to share his food with his family. And now he has learned to say "Try this!". Although he doesn't like to try as many food himself. However, if it's something he wants to eat, like a bagel or berries, he not only won't share, he asks for the biggest piece. Or maybe offer you a smaller piece.

At some point, Oliver started to show how empathic he can be. Any time he hears or sees a child crying, he stops what he is dong and watches to try to understand what's going on. I am usually next to him explaining to him what happened and what is being done to help. Oliver can also say the phrase "somebody help" which is really cute and thoughtful. A few times he has walked with me over to the child who is upset, I'll explain to the parent that he is very concerned. I will ask if he wants to rub their arm, tell them it's ok, or give them a hug. He is always happy to show them that he cares. At home, any time a stuffed animal falls, he always picks them up and give them a kiss. He does the same for his family when we are not feeling well. Today, a little girl at the park stepped on a bee. She sat on the bench while her mom took care of her. Oliver walked over, lifted up her bandaged foot and gave it a kiss. Then he asked "walk?" It was so sweet. I gave him a big hug after and told him how nice it was that he did that. And he saw her walk away and I think he felt better too.

Oliver now also asks me for permission. When he wants to bring along a toy out of the house, he'll pick it up and say it's name like a question while showing me the toy. "Boat come?" "Two toys?" When he asks so nicely and looks so cute, it's hard to turn him down. He also waits before touching his food for me to wipe his hands, and asks if he can go outside to play.

One of the most exciting thing to see is how his sense of humor has developed. He's always been a little silly and purposely do things to make us laugh. The latest thing he does is he'll hold something the wrong way and say "Like this?" and keeps going by figuring out what other wrong way he can do it. He also likes to make up words and funny sounds and waits for me to repeat it. One day I took the wrong street and told him I got lost, he sat in the back and started laughing. I asked "Are you laughing because mommy got lost again?" And it was as if he couldn't contain himself and laughed even harder and said "yah!"

Another amazing milestone is his sense of imagination. Pretend play is a popular game these days where we have imaginary dirty when playing with his trucks, imaginary food from his imaginary kitchen which is just a blank wall. He loves to exaggerate and pretend things are very cold or very heavy. One day he looked at his toy stethoscope and said "Y", then said "Apple" pointing to the ear piece part which curved around and looked like an apple, then closed the ear piece part and said "O" like the letter O. It was so great to see how visual he is and made those connections. And today when we visited Kidspace Museum, while playing with these foam building blocks, he surprised me again. He took 2 shapes and made a chair, then he wanted to turn it into a car and proceeded to put the cylinders next to it. It was so wonderful to be able to witness that.

I am so proud to see how much he has learned and how he is able to use that information and apply them to all different areas of his life. I am really enjoying my days with him, and feel that I have the responsibility to continue to expose him to new experiences. I can't wait to see what else he comes up with.

Happy Birthday Part 2

After a fun day of nothing but "focused" playing, Oliver had a nice bath, and wanted to be wrapped up like a burrito in his yellow towel, sit in his rocking chair, and drink warm milk before bed. What a sweet boy!

Oliver on his 2nd Birthday

Happy Birthday Oliver!!

It's Oliver's 2nd birthday today. Yesterday we already had our play group over for a mini birthday party in the back yard. He had lots of fun sharing his toys and snacks. All the kids loved the "water slide" into the Hippo kiddie pool and bubble machine. The home-made water park was a big hit.

Today Oliver and I had to run a few errands together to get ready for the second party with the family tomorrow. We first stopped at the grocery store to pick up some coconuts and pineapple. We got his favorite blueberries, which he got so excited he started to play drum on the container. It was fun until he dropped it and blueberries rolled everywhere. We waited until someone came with a broom to clean it up. And Oliver apologized and thanked the man in the red hat who helped us.

Then it was off to Honey Baked to pick up a ham for the party. While we waited, Oliver ran around the store and came back to me to sample a piece of ham. He loved it! So we decided to have sandwiches there for lunch. He chose the high chair over the booster seat. (good choice!) and we shared some more ham, a slice of whole wheat bread, some gouda cheese, and some "little tires" (sliced olives). Oliver did attempt to make his own sandwich by putting the ham on top of his bread. This is something new since he likes to eat each food by itself.

While enjoying our lunch, he all of the sudden said "Ann Dooley!" I was so surprised because I am not sure when he learned that. He was looking right at me, so I think he knows he's calling my name. It was really cute. Then later on, I heard him sing while looking out the window. After listening closely, I realized that he was singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in Chinese!! I had my phone and was able to record both of those. I had never heard him say those things and I was just so amazed by it.

Once we got home he played in the car for a while until it was time for his nap. We've been working on his nap and moving the time earlier for the past month. He went from not wanting to stop playing or me leave the room, to today, where he heard the cricket alarm I set to signal nap time and rolled over on the couch ready to be picked up. He told me he wanted the little book we were reading in the crib with him. Then he happily went to bed and talked to himself for about 10 minutes before falling asleep. It was so sweet and nice to know he understand it's time to rest and that when he wakes up I'll be there.

Only half the day has gone and we still have a whole afternoon to spend time together. I've got a lot to do for his birthday party, but I'm going to let those things wait and just enjoy our day having fun.

More to come later!

My first "Message from the President"-July 2010

It seems that 9 months is the magic number for me to get used to anything new. I went from being terrified by the idea of how much my life would change once I have a baby, to wondering how I ever lived without him. It took another 9 months to finally admit I couldn‟t do it all myself and hired a nanny. Then 9 months later, I let her go and joined the MOMS Club. And here we are, 9 months after joining, I've become the president of the Club.

I've always been a busy body. Having projects and coming up with new ones invigorates me. I really believed that not even a baby would slow me down. And when I was faced with the reality, and a bit of an identity crisis, I was devastated. The constant stress and sleep deprivation wore me down. Unfortunately that wasn't enough motivation for me to join the Club. I couldn't get over that I was no longer a "career woman". And saw “seeking support” as “being defeated.”

I spent many hours watching Oprah for inspiration when one show spoke to me. Someone said, you need to grieve for your old self before the baby because you'll never be that person again. Embrace the new you, because you are yourself, and so much more. This insight was the turning point. I realized my naive misconception held me back from being a part of such a wonderful organization. As I have learned that we all had to make adjustments in our lives for the benefit of our children. How selfless and admirable it is to be a stay-at-home mom. And for anyone who's been in the same place I was, I can confidently say that the Club has given me a new sense of purpose and belonging. It has renewed my energy and opened my mind. I am proud to be amongst such an extraordinary group of women. I am busier than ever doing the most rewarding and important job that I‟ve ever had.

I am honored to be in this position to be able to offer support to other moms in need. I hope to bring you and your children many fun and entertaining activities, as well as valuable information and assistance. I look forward to getting to know everyone. I appreciate having the opportunity to give back to a club that has helped me so much. And I am here to help with my arms and heart wide open.

Ann Dooley

President of MOMS Club

West Hollywood and Hollywood Chapter