Baby Milestone -Seven Months

The difference between 6 and 7 months is huge. On February 8th, Oliver had his first "crawl". He was in his room, while Chris and I sat on the chair watching him struggle. He was determined and had his eyes on the toy near my foot. It took about 5 minutes for him to army crawl and frog leap over to the toy that was about a foot away. We were so happy for him, and felt slightly bad for his frustration. Then each day that passed, he moved a little farther, a little faster. In the mornings we'd read together on the rug in his room. He'd crawl closer to grab the book, and I'd rotate just a little to the right and we move in sync like the arms of a clock...that went on for a few more days until one morning, Oliver crawled away towards his toy box. He proceeded to pull it out and try to pull himself up and look inside. I panicked for a moment and thought "I need to baby proof the house ASAP!"

Since then Oliver has been moving around the house, trying out new moves, going from crawling to sitting (super strong abs!), trying to pull himself up to standing. He aimed right for the power outlet, he moves to the front door and tries to reach the door knob. He has definitely discovered this new ability to move, and is on an adventure around the house.

It wasn't long before I found him sitting up in his crib, holding onto the side of the bed. It's a sad sight, but also very adorable. He also has no fear of heights. Chris tosses him in the air, swing him around, and Oliver just loves it and laughs the whole time.

Oliver has also been trying to talk. For days he would make the "bbbb" sound and blow out air. 3 days later, he finally got "baba!" out of his system. I've also heard "googoo" and lots of other sounds like feels like they're words making up a sentence.
His bottom tooth finally came out, and another on it's way with 2 more on top.

I think Oliver is a little multi-tasker, don't you think?

Work In Progress

Counting the first month I took off work before Oliver's birth, I've been home for about 8 months. I can't believe how much time and how quickly the days have gone by. Baby brain is still making things easy to forget, but I do know it's been difficult making adjustments to my new life. Oliver continues to do well and making great strides. He's happy, healthy, and has been a wonderful sleeper. I have no complaints except for occasionally he likes to chew on my hair and pull on them.

Myself on the other hand has been on a roller coaster ride that I'm hoping to get off soon. It's as if when I gave birth I used not only my physical strength to endure labor, but I also lost some of my emotional strength. It's understandable that with the hormones going crazy, a little bit of postpartum depression is to be expected. I just didn't think I'd have such a hard time adjusting. It is so much better than the first few months, but there are still some lingering issues I need to deal with.

As the months go by, a little bit of my old self comes back. I've lost all the baby weight. I've been cleaning and organizing the house from top to bottom. I've got all of our taxes done early. I even finished a book project with practical tips to help other first-time moms. I've got a great set up with a nanny who comes 3 times a week so I can get chores and errands done. A cleaning lady who helps with the kitchen, bathrom, and the floors, the gardeners come every week too. All that's left for me to do is focus on taking care of Oliver and the household stuff.

So when I was still feeling anxious and frustrated, I didn't know why or what to do. Is it my need to have control, or my inability to relax and enjoy people helping me? Do I miss having a career? Why don't I see taking care of Oliver as being productive? Is it too early to try to find answers, maybe I need to wait they'll surface on their own?

I finally searched online for "adjusting to being a stay at home mom". I was surprised by how many other moms shared the same confusion. We all were good at doing tasks and finishing projects that shows clear results that can be measured. Taking care of a baby and making him happy is the result, but so often it's credited to the baby being born with an easy temperament. Or, the result of all the hard work will reveal itself 18 years from now.

Work in progress, transitioning, adjusting. Whatever it's called I'm right in the middle of it and can't see very clearly where I'll end up. It's not a place I enjoy and I have to remind myself not to over think things. I did make some progress. I realized that I've spent so much time working on being the best "ME" I can be to society, to my family, my job, I'm stuck in that mode. And with my new mom title, I just want to be the best mom I can be. I don't know why I see them as 2 separate roles, but as of right now I'm feeling the pressure of trying to pick a side.

I may be I'm one of those people who believes you have to struggle for the end result to be worthy of the time and suffering. Just like my 22 hour labor without an epidural, I wanted to experience childbirth with every painful contraction only to end up in a c-section. Maybe a part of me still haven't resolved those feelings, that instead of seeing the result of having a healthy baby and healthy mom, I am focused on not able to carry out something I planned for 9 months. So I agonized over whether to return to work or stay home. And who will take care of the baby if I went back to work. I'm stressing over not doing "enough" for being home. And sees being home as me being lazy or not driven, and having help as me not adequate enough to do it all myself. There is the part of me that feels undeserving of the luxury and guilty for the freedom. All these emotions feels unnecessary if I can just accept that things are different now and my "plan" has to evolve too. And it is, and I am. It's just uncomfortable in the process.

So what I really should learn from this is to be more like Oliver. He has no plans, he takes one day at a time. He doesn't suppress any of his emotions. He asks for help when he needs it. He tries new things everyday. He learns new skills and practices them. He laughs at whatever life throws at him. He knows he is loved and is very happy to share his love with a big smile. I should remember these lessons. It makes you wonder why he has chosen this time to be in my life.

Baby Steps

When Oliver was about 2 months old, I started reaching out to friends who recently had babies for advice. I was having a hard time recovering from the delivery. With the lack of sleep, and me being stubborn about doing the same tasks I used to around the house, my energy and spirit was at my all time low. When you are in that position and the hormones working against you, it is really hard to see the experience of having a baby as "enjoyable". I loved Oliver more than anything, but I did not love the way I felt each day.

After getting some encouragement from those who have been through it, I had to think positive that things will get better. During that time I started to think about writing a helpful guide for first time moms to survive the first 3 months after birth. There were so many things I learned during that time that if I were to do it over I would change. I started to jot down notes and gather helpful tips. I think having that focus also helped keeping my mind off of my sleep deprivation and my internal conflict about my career life. Although each day felt long and tiring, the baby brain makes you forget how hard it was. That must be nature's way of keeping the civilization alive, otherwise who would do this over and over again?

So by the time Oliver was 6 months old, I was ready to put the book together. I was motivated by our good friend who was due on Valentine's Day. So that gave me a deadline to finish and ready to present. With my show and tell bag packed, I was off to Kinko's to get my first book bound. It looked quite impressive I thought to myself as the guy behind the counter came back with a book with an image of Oliver's little feet on the cover. "BabySteps-Simple tips to help first time mom survive the first three months" was the title. By Ann Dooley. Inspired by Baby Oliver.

The visit to my friend's house was a success. She looked amazing, resting her hand on her belly. She seemed calm and comfortable for the most part. We had a great time going over all the tips. I was surprised and happy that I was able to answer all of her questions. I felt energized and wanted to do more for her, but it was time to head home to Oliver.

Two days after, we saw her husband's facebook update saying she has gone into labor. I was excited and nervous for them. I almost felt like I was going to have a baby. The next day we heard the great news that she had a baby girl. It brings back memories of when we first met Oliver and how tiny he was. And that same night, Oliver made a huge step, he crawled for the first time! it took some time and frutration, but he moved all on his own for about a foot to pick up a toy. I was amazing watching him figuring it out. One day he was lifting body up with his arms straight and falling, the next day he can push himself back up, then the day after he can lift his legs up too. And finally he put all the pieces together and reached out. How amazing it is to see these transitions. I don't even want to blink so I don't miss anything.

I can't wait to meet Oliver's new friend and check in to see if they've tried out the tips from my book.

Baby Milestone - Six Months

I've been waiting for this day for a long time. Well...for 6 months at least. In my mind, this is supposed to be the time when I am back at work, Oliver is sitting up by himself and eating solid food. In reality, things are slightly different. I'm now a stay-at-home mom, Oliver has been sitting up since 4 months old, and he did try some rice cereal and banana, but he is playing with it more than actually eating it.

Oliver now weighs 18.5 pounds and measures 28 inches tall. He's almost half my height! While sitting, he is able to lift his torso back up when he falls forward. Talk about strong ab muscles! He can scoot for a few feet forward to pick up a toy, move a toy out of his way. And he is making attempts to crawl. He is so close to doing it every time he tries, even after he falls, he gets right back up again. In his crib, he is constantly moving from one end of the mattress to the other. He has also figured out that he can pull down the bumper around his crib to see what's on the other side! It makes me want to set up a night vision camera to see what is going on. When Chris and I check on him before we go to bed, we just stand over the crib and can't help but giggle at Oliver's sleep position.

Oliver is also great at expressing his needs. He has learned to do a fake cough to get our attention or when he wants to change position. He throws his arms wide open when he wants to be picked up. And looks away when he is no longer interested in playing. Although his schedule seems to change daily, paying attention to the sound he makes and body language has really helped us learn and meet his needs.

Some of his favorite games now are peek-a-boo, sliding off the edge of the couch to jump onto daddy's lap, going from sit to stand (he never gets tired of it), sitting in a swing and watch the kids play at the park, tickles mommy's feet and making me laugh. And He laughs nonstop to the sound "beeeew!beeew!" like a laser gun.

Oliver has been a great sleeper for months, but lately with all the new skills he is learning, teething, separation anxiety, he is keeping mommy and daddy up half the night. We're doing everything we can to ease some of his growing pains and making sure he gets his naps during the day. We suspect the next baby milestone entry will be packed with exciting accomplishments as Oliver continues to cross things off his list.

Top of the class

Since Oliver was 9 weeks old, I've been taking him to a play group called Outside the Box started by our doula Octavia. The play group focuses on activities that stimulates the babies brain, and help with its development.

Oliver impressed everyone including the teacher from day one with his ability to lift his head up and hold it for long stretches of time. Then each class he continued to show what an exceptional student he is. Here are some photos of some of the fun activities he was a part of.


1st Class, feeling the vibrations on a drum.


Xylophone!



Finger Painting


Sensory Balls


Beads! Beads! Beads!


Oliver with friends Yardin and Chloe.

Growing Up

It's been 5 months and 3 weeks since Oliver was born. I've learned so much as a new mom. I still remember the first time going to the mall with him, how terrified I was when he cried. I froze, I even had a little tear. I didn't know how to behave with the baby in a place I was so familiar with before he came along. Now I feel like a stranger in a strange place. I wonder if that's how he felt when he was born.

I have since learned to ignore those fears and have even fed him at the table in a restaurant. I can run errands with him, even go to parties with him.I have lost all of the baby weight and can fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans. And I've gained so much more confidence in myself as a mother. It took a while, but thanks to Oliver being such a great baby, he's made my job a lot easier once I recovered from the C-section and the crazy postpartum hormones.

The only thing I really struggled with was about my return to work. I had always saw myself as a working mom. The funny thing is, I didn't even know what that meant. I understood the "working" part very well. I just didn't know the "mom" half was not just a title. It actually comes with a lot of emotions, attachments, and responsibilities. Even though I knew I love spending time with Oliver, taking care of him, teaching him, and playing with him, I just didn't think about the details of what is involved in going back to work and what that lifestyle would be. I thought that I needed the job I loved to feel complete and confident. The logic was, if mommy is happy with herself, then the baby will benefit from it too. I also didn't want my years of education and work experience to end because my priorities changed. And that was it, my priorities have changed.

Maybe it wasn't so much of a struggle with the situation itself. It was more of my stubborn mind of a plan I had that is changing and evolving without me recognizing it. The plan was more of a fantasy because it was made before the baby was born. I am naive to think everything can operate the same way as it was. A part of me suspected that I'd change my mind about going back, but I couldn't bring myself to accepting it. I didn't make a list of pros and cons until the week before I made my decision. I think I was afraid to see it in writing, because then there's no denying what the right decision would be.

I've been with Disney a total of about 10 years. I started out as an intern who barely knew how to use photoshop. I worked for 3 months and fell in love with the energy of the group. My boss John was almost like a father figure, he has such high energy and enthusiasm it's hard to find another boss like him. In fact, I couldn't find anyone like him after I got out of school that I eventually went back to work for him. Although most people don't know how to handle his over the top, charismatic personality, I seem to know exactly how to get along with him. Over the years he has given me so many opportunities to grow, and continue to share his life experience to better mine. I knew I had the perfect job for me, and I never imagined not working for John.

Around the same time I interned, John hired Steve. Steve was like the big brother who is there to help you when you need it, and joke around whenever he gets a chance to make a bad pun. I was so intimidated by him when we first started working together, but as time went by and my confidence grew, he has become one of the closest friend I have. I've always thought of him as Super Man. He seems to know everything from design, marketing, copywriting, music, sports, building houses, to being a great "young" father of 4, and loving husband for over 16 years. Steve is a very hard worker, and it made the three of us what John calls the "dream team". I agree. It was the dynamics of us that made us push to do great work, in a company that doesn't always support great design.

Tony, who was unfortunately let go during a cut back was like a grumpy uncle. He didn't look his age though, years of taking care of his body made him a stand-in for a Tom Cruise movie poster. He's a talented photographer trapped in the body of a tired marketing producer. Being confined in the office was just not for him. We all saw the sparks in the eyes of "bandana Tony" when he shoots for us. And then there's the conspiracy theory Tony, watch out if he ever gets into a political conversation at lunch.

Michelle was like a big sister to me. She's like Sara Jessica Parker of the group. The beautiful, fashionable, strong, independent woman, who held out for the perfect guy for her. She found him after years at Disney working 2 floors below our offices. Whenever there's too much testosterone in the air, Michelle is the one I turn to to keep things balanced.

I've also enjoyed all of John's assistants who came through the office and went on to bigger and better things. Gretchen was there when I interned, she had these great thick rimmed glasses and a funny sense of humor. Diana was there when I first returned to Disney to freelance. She's not only been a great friend who I almost started a cookie business with called "Crumbs", she was one of my bridesmaids at my wedding. We still keep in touch and share small business stories, and she owns a chocolate business called O'Cocoa that's doing really well. Steven came next. He started out as Steve's temp assistant, then John swooped him away. Steven is sharp, quick witted, and had high hopes and dreams to land a job where he can show up at 11 in shorts, critique some ideas and brainstorm, and get paid lot of money. He moved up quickly and landed a job working in the video games department.

Then there's Ann, "Spaulding" came in and just took over. She was hired to assist John, but during the cut back, she took over the responsibility to manage our print production. It's funny that she came from a company where my old RubyLove partner's boyfriend Eric worked as an editor. So before Ann started, I have heard from Eric about this poor mistreated girl leaving his company! Small world. Ann has been like a little sister to me. From looking at her you wouldn't know she's been a world traveler and have bungie jumped many times. Maybe because we have the same name, but I felt the need to look after her. Not that she needed it, but the stress can get to you sometimes. We've became really good friends, and she's visited me and Oliver several times during my maternity leave. She's someone with such a good heart and giving nature, I know I'll be keeping in touch with her for a long time.

All of these people are close to my heart. They've been through the most important part of my growth, and supported me the whole way. It is so hard to move on, but they've also taught me well to know my priorities. John actually said it would be weird if I had decided to go back to work, that it wouldn't be "me". And thanked me for the years I've given them. How lucky am I to have had the chance to work with such a wonderful group.

So when it came time for me to make my decision, I knew I would have the understanding of everyone at work. I knew that work is something I can go back to, and not being there for Oliver would be a life time regret I can never get back. I didn't realize that the six months I spent at home has transformed me into a mom. I didn't know that until Oliver started to reach out to me and smiles when I enter the room. I was surprised that I am making decisions to do what's best for our family and not just myself. I started to feel excited about not knowing what comes next. The tension started to melt away as I got closer to accepting what I felt deep inside. And the last thing I need to seal the deal was to make sure Chris is good with the decision to be the sole breadwinner. Then the answer floated to the top, it was clear that I ready to be a stay at home mom.

I was still nervous and emotional driving to the office. No one knew my reason for visiting. And as I suspected, it only took me saying "I need to talk to you" to John for him to respond "You're not coming back." After that John did most of the talking. He was so complimentary of what I've done for our group, and so proud of the decision I've made. We were both emotional, but kept it positive.

So John says, I've matured. I've made the right decision.

I totally agree.

The days leading up to going in the office I started to write letters to all of my co-workers/friends/second family. It took a long time to write, and I enjoyed remembering all the good times we've had. I was actually really proud of each letter I've written. I had a format to focus on what I love most about them, what I'll miss, and what I look forward to. They've all since thanked me for the letters or have made reference to something I have mentioned. I'm so glad I took the time to do that. I really wanted to let them know how much they mean to me.

What I love most about my job was it didn't feel like work, I'll miss the people the most, but I'm so looking forward to seeing how our friendships develop and spending time watching Oliver grow up.

Baby Milestone - Five Months

In the past month, little Oliver has made some great big steps. It took little time for him to skip the night time feedings. When he does cry, a little back rub usually puts him right back to sleep. He consistently sleeps 10 hour at night, followed by a feeding, a quick read of Dr. Seuss, then back to sleep for another hour and a half. The day time naps are still irregular, but a lot more manageable than a few weeks ago. I've gotten into the routine of closing the curtains, turn on some soft music, then hold him close and walk around the room and whisper to him "it's time for nap." He often yawns shortly after that, like I gave him the signal to get ready for sleep.

During the beginning of month 4, Oliver started to sit on his own without support. He can balance for a few minutes at a time. And catches himself falling by putting his arms in front, or try to use them for balance. Now he can sit for 20-30 minutes at a time. The rolling over to his tummy is no longer an issue, and he seems to have lost interest in how effortless it is for him. And now he is showing interest in crawling. He just hasn't quite figured it out yet.

Oliver has also been more vocal about his needs. He often talks while being changed, and I sometimes hear similar sounds and rhythm when he is playing. I then check to see if he needs a diaper change, which he often does. Other types of sounds are making more sense too. If he is whiny in the crib, no need to rush in to pick him up. If he is crying, most of the time it's because he is hungry, or got himself trapped in a corner of the crib and needs to be repositioned. His face is also very expressive, always ready to show you what he needs. The rubbing of the eyes with a sleepy look is one I look for before nap time. And his smiles are of course my favorite! He also has a great open mouth laugh, sometimes without the actual sound of laughing. His favorite number is "2", favorite word is "Scooby-Doo", and favorite phrase is "Tip me over and pour me out!"

Oliver has been going to his play group and showing more interest in participating in everything. This past week he was even being chatty with the other babies. He did the same at another baby's 1st birthday party. He is not shy around babies or grown ups. He also showed great interest in finger painting. He was the only baby who tried it the first time and didn't cry. I was very proud, and can't wait to paint more with him.

Bath time is also getting more interesting because he likes to try to grab the water. Once in a while he'll even slap the water to make a splash. He was happy getting his gum rubbed for just a few days, but now he just keeps his mouth shut tight. I think maybe it has to do with the baby toothbrush I tried to use on him.

I hope the next entry will have news about a tooth or crawling!