Message from the President: October

President’s Message

For days I've been staring at the blank page on my computer screen trying to think of what to write for this month's message. It's been a tough time for me personally. I lost my father about a month ago, and life has been a big confusing blur ever since. And these days, it takes more energy and focus than ever to take care of those who still needs me. The time between putting Oliver to bed, and before my husband gets home from work, has become the toughest part of my day. When it's quiet in the house, it's only me and my thoughts.

So many things went through my mind with so much urgency for finding a solution. How do I tell my son that his beloved grandfather will not be back for his weekly visit? How do I preserve his memory in the mind of a 2-year old? What lessons from my father do I want to pass down? The side of me that needs to have control was able to stay strong for my mother, while the side that understands the need to grieve did not want to step up to the plate.

My father was a great caretaker. He lived a simple life and always made sure his family had what they needed. He was a strict parent when we were younger, and didn't show much emotion or affection. When he did, it was through making us food, keeping the car I drove gassed and running smoothly, and constantly reminding me to take my vitamins and eat more. It was only in the short time that he's been with his only grandson, that a different side of him emerged. For the first time in my life, I got to experience a playful silly side of my dad. And he could not hide how happy he was being a grandfather. And I am so grateful that they had the chance to know one another.

As a mom, I do everything I can to protect my child and keep him from feeling sad or scared. I am also aware that he needs to know that people do experience sadness, but we can move forward and be happy again. While I was trying to figure out how to explain this loss to my son, I reminded myself that children are built with amazing coping skills. They are faced with so many unknowns and fears everyday, but they can bounce back with extreme resiliency. So when Oliver finally asked for his grandpa, I explained that he went to a far away place and we are sad that he won't be visiting us anymore. Oliver did ask again to confirm if grandpa will come over. I said no, but we can look at pictures and pretend to "call him on the phone" if we miss him. At that moment, my heart ached for both of us. Oliver listened and behaved as if he was putting the pieces together in his head. He asked a few other times with a seriousness in his tone. I felt that in his own way, he has accepted the fact that people can go away and never return. This has added to his separation anxiety during bedtime, and asking "Are you coming back?" whenever someone leave the room.

So one day at a time, I tried to show Oliver that we can move forward and be happy again. And I made extra efforts to give him a sense of safety and security. I don't know how this experience with change us. I can only reminded myself to face the unknown and keep moving forward.

What has been the most amazing part of this experience is the overwhelming love and support my family and I have received during this difficult time. I've felt so much genuine emotions from everywhere, as if I was wrapped around by a big warm blanket. Especially the friends I've made in the MOMS Club who were unbelievably generous with their time to be there for me. The members of executive board have all stepped in to help take care of my responsibilities when I couldn't. Many of them brought over dinners and offered to help in anyway they can. It is a real blessing to have such strong support. And it reinforces our club motto Moms Offering Moms Support, regardless if it's the beginning of a new life, or when one comes to an end. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for being there.

At 2 years and 4 months

At 2 years and 4 months, Oliver is a happy, funny, animated, pre-preschooler. He's been going for about a month. The first day he was not happy about it at all, but since then he's learned that it's a place that he gets to play with fun things and have more teachers who'll play with him than just me. So now he really enjoys school, and we often talk about the things we learned there. Since we started school, it's been much easier to get him to wash his hands, sit down to eat a meal, and understand the 5-minute rule before moving on to another activity. He's also learned to play next to other children, and how to handle situations when 2 of them wants the same toy.

Here's a picture of Oliver taken by the teachers at his preschool. Every Tuesday there's a music teacher, teacher William, who comes with little drums and shakers to teach the children to sing and play music. One thing teacher William likes to do is to have the children sing a color instead of just saying it. So we often play that game during non-school days and sing "Bluuuuue....Yeeeellllooooow!"

These are his classmates (We try not to use the word "friends" because at this age, children can play with you one day and ignore you the next. So not to confuse them the meaning of friendship, we say "the children in your class". That's another thing, the teachers say "children" and not "kids" which feels like you should take them more seriously.)

The boy in the red shirt is Koji, and the girl in pink is Mable. The blue square on the rug behind Mable is where I ask Oliver to sit when it's circle time. It's his favorite color, and from day one I told him go to "your" blue square. He now runs and lays down on his blue square.

Oliver playing with bubbles next to classmate Frisco. They actually used to hang out at the Coffeebean and Tea Leaf on Sunset when we used to walk there in the morning. We didn't know Frisco or his sister Lila, but saw them often. I recognized them in their Family Book at the school. So turns out these 2 goes way back when they were still babies...if only they knew.

Oliver still loves to play the drum, but he also enjoys pretending to play the trumpet and and the piano. (among lots of other pretend games and imaginary friends FaFa and Bubu) He loves to sing, and the list of songs he knows is growing:

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in English and Chinese
The Hello Song (from school)
The Good Bye Song (from school)
ABCs
A song about 2 Tigers in Chinese in the melodies of Frere Jacques
Wheels on the Bus
Head Shoulders Knees and Toes
Toe Knee Chestnut (similar to Head Shoulder Knees and Toes)
A Bushel and a Peck (Chris grew up listening to his song, we only sang it to Oliver when he was a baby, and one day last week he just started to sing it!)
The Barney theme song
The Mickey Mouse Club House theme song
And he can hear a song and try to follow it, or make up his own song about anything by repeating the word to his own melody.

Oliver has really developed quickly his speech and even correct grammer. Yesterday he explained to Chris when he found a goldfish cracker on his car seat that "Daddy, I can't eat it. It's been in the car. We need to throw it away." He uses past and present tenses such as "It's stopped" or "I'm still playing." And although he responds in English 99% of the time, he knows when to use Chinese. One time he said "holes" but I didn't understand it. He "repeated" the word in Chinese...he basically translated for me. And he remembers all of our Chinese names, my cell phone number (my dad told me to teach him that the day before he passed away, Oliver learned it within a week) His ability to memorize is so amazing, he now can read along at least 2 books. The 2 favorites are: Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss and I'm Dirty (a book about a backhoe loader), and Rainbow Fish. We read them at bedtime, then open to his favorite page to be tucked between the bed frame and mattress so he can look at them. And Oliver tells us that he dreams about milk, and milk in a funny car coming out of the closet.

Everything is funny now. He likes the funny car, eat funny crackers. He loves his toy Lion "She-Tze" which is lion in Chinese. He will hold anything close and say "I love it! it's so cute!" and everything is pretty. His favorite food is still mostly fruits. He does love something called Gogi berry, which is used in many chinese herbal teas and medicine. Recently WholeFoods started to sell it as a snack that he tried it at school during snack time. Since then I've been putting them on his plate during meal time. He also likes savory flavored tofu that I cut into little sticks. He calls them train tracks. And he loves black olives, which are sliced and looks like wheels.

Oliver still helps to clean and sweep whenever "he can". He cleans up a lot at school which really impresses the teachers. At home, it's a little bit more work. I'm trying to have less toys out and before taking out another one, he should put an unused one away. He's also very well mannered. When he coughs, he will cover his mouth with his upper sleeve. He'll say excuse me, although he will say it with his face inches away from mine so I can't ignore him. He also likes to ask "Mommy, are you sad?" when he's done something wrong or when I'm upset. He'll always offer me a hug with a very sympathetic look on his face, followed by asking "Mommy, are you happy?" He also loves to say "by myself" when he does something by himself, and will hold the kitchen childproof gate open for me. What a gentle man. An ongoing joke he has is to tell me not to sing in the car, then I'll keep singing and he asks me to stop in a very serious tone. Then at bedtime, he'll ask me to sing Hop on Pop and switch back to reading when he feels like it.

Other than trying to figure out how to handle him waking up at 4:30 am, he continues to be great company and an amazing child.

Message from the President: September

Diapers! Check. Oliver‘s favorite toys! Check. Back up diapers and toys! Check and check. I haven‘t even packed my clothes yet and the luggage is already half full. (At least I am feeling optimistic.) This was the first Dooley family vacation by air. For months I was feeling excited and stressed over the details of this trip. The one thing I hadn‘t planned for was arriving late at the airport with our over-weight luggage, and had to tell Oliver in my most cheerful voice ―We are going to race and see who gets to the gate first!

Luckily, we did make our flight and had little drama on the plane. (Our luggage made it too.) Installing the car seat in the heat was a drag. And although we arrived too early for check in, we were just happy that we could finally start this vacation. It was a wonderful week of enjoying the sea breeze and warm waters of Kauai. And we all returned a bit more tanned, and much more relaxed.

Sometime during the trip, I thought about how different traveling was like before the baby. Not only the preparation has changed, but what activities you choose, how the day is scheduled, and how you experience your surroundings. It‘s a big production that can feel scary and overwhelming. Actually, it‘s not much different from those early days trying to go anywhere with my newborn. I was a nervous wreck, concerned about where to feed and change him, and how to keep myself together when he cries in public. And either I stuff the diaper bag until the zipper won‘t close, or be ready to stop by the drug store because I‘m one diaper short.

After two years of practice, I still find it a hassle to go out. To add to the dreaded exit procedures, Oliver now informs me that he‘s ―done sitting‖ after 10 minutes of driving time. Yet, we go out sometimes twice a day, and I‘ve learned to keep some extra diapers and clothes in the car. What I have found was that if I just get out of my comfort zone and leave the house, I get a huge pay off in the end. The world outside of our 1100 sq ft house can provide way more stimulation and entertainment than I can ever come up with (or have the energy for). And it‘s such a treat to see your child being fascinated by all the things that grown ups can no longer see. I always notice changes in Oliver after visiting a new place. It‘s feels like his brain has made new connections from the experience, and fast-forwards to the next milestone.

Maybe it‘s because of my sheltered childhood that I didn‘t develop an adventurous spirit until I was in college. I think I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of it, and that‘s probably what motivates me to go out nowadays. By not focusing so much on my own stress, I‘ve allowed myself to enjoy our outings. I feel rejuvenated when there are other grown ups that I can socialize with. And I feel therapeutic when I can use my imagination and play pretend, or be intrigued by the mundane. I never would have imagined having a good time while sitting in the middle of the sidewalk to watch street construction with Oliver.

Lately, I remind myself often that Oliver is not the only person who needs to be out more. I‘m also making efforts to have more ―me time‖, to catching up with old friends, and pamper myself whenever I can. It makes a huge difference in my energy and my emotional wellbeing when I break the routine. It‘s all about finding more balance in life as a stay at home mom. With that in mind, I invite you all to the great outdoors with your children. And will continue to plan club activities that will invigorate your spirit.

Oliver's first bee (wasp) sting

I took Oliver to a new park the other day. He was so excited when he saw the playground from the parking lot. Right away he spotted the train in the middle of the playground and said "I want to go on the train!" Even though there was plenty of other things to climb on and run through, we'd always return to the train. While he stays in the engine, I was asked to sit in the caboose.

This park had a lot of great features. It has a sand area which backhoes you can sit on and scoop sand. A play area that looked like a castle, a ship, and an airplane. Then there's another area that had roads with stop signs and a little gas station. There was also many slides, swings, see-saw (which he's never been on before).

Oliver loved this park and would run around and want to show me his discoveries. He also found the perfect bench for us to stop and have a snack: a box of raisins.

Another boy there had left his motorcycle toy in the road area of the park. So we borrowed it and Oliver rode it around like the coolest 2 year old boy. Especially with the jacket he wore that day, he looked like a real biker.

So we spent quit a bit of time at this park and it was almost time to go. Oliver returned to his favorite spot, the engine. For a minute, he had his back turned to me and hanging his body out the window. All of the sudden I heard him scream. The first time I actually thought he was just playing, then the second scream I ran over there. I saw there was a wasp stuck to his finger. Normally even if nothing was on him he'd get very upset, it must have hurt a lot. I remembered a while back looking up what to do when you get bee sting, so I quickly scraped off the wasp. As it was flying away, I saw a string of sticky venom coming out. Luckily there was no stinger left in Oliver's skin. He was crying and wanted to go home, but moments later he was fine and wanted to play more. It didn't look like he was getting any allergic reaction, but I was looking up on my phone/internet to see if I needed to do anything else. After washing his hands, we left the park and I saw a park ranger. So we made a detour and the ranger was able to tell me that Oliver seems ok, and gave us an ice pack. I think because the wasp was removed so quickly that Oliver only got poked, but didn't get any venom. He was totally fine and even the red mark disappeared by bath time.

Tough kid!

Another interesting interaction that day was a lesson in sharing toys and making friends. We were playing with someone else's sand toys. Another boy was nearby so I asked if Oliver wanted to play with him. So I taught him to say "Play together?", the boy didn't respond. Then later Oliver divided up the toys between the 3 of us. The boy still didn't respond. So I told Oliver that it's ok, he's not ready to play with us. So after a while, Oliver took the "assigned" toy right to the boy and left it in front of him. The boy didn't respond, but Oliver didn't push after that. When we were all done playing, I asked Oliver to collect all the toys and return to the mom who let us play with them. He did pick up each one and put it on their blanket. And later said thank you to her. I was so proud of him for doing that. And I hope he'll remember this lesson and do it on his own sometime.

A very very sad day

I don't even know where to begin. It still doesn't feel real that dad past away 3 days ago. It was the most surreal experience to receive a phone call that changed everything. I only saw him the day before, we were going to see each other again in a few days...but only when I did see him, he was lying on the floor already gone.

Mom called around 9:30 am on August 26th, 2008. She told me to stay calm, then she said dad has past away. I was in disbelief, but knew right away I had to be strong and be there for my mother who found her husband dead. My parents have not shared a bedroom in many years because of my dad snored very loud. That morning my mom woke up to use the restroom and still heard dad snore through the walls. 4 hours later, he was cold on the floor with his feet elevated while lying down. We think he was probably feeling dizzy and did that to help the blood flow. I stayed on the phone with mom while I got myself ready. Then Chris drove me and Oliver to the house as fast and safely as we could while the paramedics went to my parent's house. When I arrived, my mom was talking to the police and the paramedics informed me what I already knew. The hours after that was a lot of phone calls trying to figure out what to do next. Dad did not like talking about any planning for funerals, so he never did make any plans. I did my best to keep it together and try to comfort mom the best I could. Chris kept Oliver occupied, but I'm sure Oliver sensed something was serious and did his best to stay out of trouble.

The strange thing was Oliver never asked where is YeYeh, when his Ama and YeYeh always visited together. And other strange things happened earlier in the week. My mom taught Oliver how to say my dad's name in chinese during their weekly visit, Oliver took a 2 hour nap, then woke up asking "where is Chang Tsze Tsan?" I told him YeYeh went home. I was amazed by his memory. Dad's energy has been decreasing and he'd been complaining about not getting enough sleep for the past few years. He started to fall asleep during their visits to see Oliver. It's hard not to feel some guilt for not looking into more closely at his health. I just see dad looking the same way he looked 20 year ago, muscular and tanned. He was such a handsome man who aged into a very cute older man. I do believe knowing his personality, he down played his pains and discomfort. He's never believed in doctors and always reminded us how his friends who goes to the doctors always end up dead. He felt that the fear of whatever disease itself can kill you. And even though we know that smoking is bad, we never pushed hard for him to quit. It was what he says the only few leisure thing for him to do.

With no ambulance was called and no doctors, the police told us the coroner would do the exam to find out the cause of death. We have a few guesses ourselves, but I know that Dad would have never wanted to live with an illness that would keep him hospitalized or be in bed. I really do believe that he went in the simplest way that reflected his personality the most. He didn't bother anyone, he attempted to take care of himself by putting his feet up, and quietly he went while everyone else was asleep.

That week it was also strange that Chris came home in the middle of the day while Dad was still at our house. Chris never does that, but he forgot something and had to come back. Although it was a brief stop, he got to give Dad a hug and say good bye. The chair that Dad was sitting in hasn't been moved. it was where he sat and watched mom, myself and Oliver play. I sat in the chair today and talked to him, I was sad and miss him dearly. I know he'll continue to watch over us. And I feel like from what he saw, he probably felt that he has nothing to worry about.

These last few days have been so strange. During the day I stay strong, but then when I am tired or alone I break down. I know it's all normal and I do want to allow myself the time to grieve. I continue to have images of Dad on the floor, and the words that came out of my mom's mouth that day. I try to remember all the great times we've had, and as I remember them, I realize how sensitive and an amazing Dad he was. And I wish we had a little bit more time together because he's had a very tough few years and we are just now starting to heal.

I do feel how his death has changed the rest of us. Immediate our family was brought closer together, and we are reminded of how much we need to treasure the time we have together. My relationship with mom which has had it's ups and downs feels like it's going to make a big shift for the better. My sister and I closer and relate to one another as adults. My relationship stronger, and my desire to share stories of YeYeh with Oliver intensified. Maybe Dad has once again done something to bring a family together. That's what he would have wanted.

I love you Dad. I miss you!

The New Toddler Days

It was the most surreal feeling. I had just fallen asleep in bed for a nap when I heard quick thumping foot steps coming down the hall followed by a loud "Mommy!" A joyous toddler comes running into the room waking me up. I knew what was happening, but it took me a few seconds to accept that it was not a dream...my little baby boy just climbed out of his crib when he decided he didn't want to take a nap.

The afternoon followed was quite a struggle for me. I was actually annoyed with my adorable son, who was so proud of himself for this latest milestone. I just kept thinking "I'm not ready for this." And the next day things got even more interesting. Oliver now tests to see how far he can get away from me, while he smiles and gets farther away. He kept going until he stopped by two chairs near an exit. He said he wanted to sit because he is tired. He actually said those words, but it was like watching a kid trying to get out of being in trouble.

Another time when I played drumming videos for him from YouTube, I asked him to help me clean up the toys. He responded "I'm doing this." with his finger pointing to the computer.

I know the terrible twos is only a phase, and I guess I should appreciate the fact that he hasn't had any tantrums over things. Mostly he laughs and thinks everything is a joke and do things on purpose to see what he can get away with. Or if he doesn't like it, he uses the phrase "I'm sad." or "I'm done." which he knows that's how he can get his way. I have learned to pick my battles. I do realize it's not easy trying to outsmart a toddler.

This morning I asked him to demonstrate how he climbed out of the crib. I just wanted to make sure he doesn't hurt himself before we get his bed converted. He picked up my tone that it was not something I was happy with, and did not fall for my "trap." Part of me is concerned he might hurt himself (We have placed a rug underneath months ago just in case this happened). Another part of me actually kind of likes waking up to see his little face while I'm still in bed. We'll have to see what happens tomorrow.

Baby Milestone - Two Years Old

Since the last doctor visit 3 months ago, Oliver now weighs 29.7 lbs. (the doctor said it looked like the last weigh in at 31 lb. didn't follow the curve and is probably a mistake). He grew another inch, now at 36 inches tall. And his head grew .5 cm. The biggest change was probably how he behaved at the doctor's office. This time, he did not want to stay in the exam room, so the doctor ended up going out by the fish tank and did the check up there. However, I must mention that it wasn't that Oliver decided to start his terrible-twos behavior in front of his doctor to make a point. It was most likely because we had gotten him so excited about seeing the fish tank in the waiting room, but he didn't get to visit his fish friends long enough that got him very upset. (We arrived right at appointment time.) So next time I'll be sure to get there much earlier to give him time to settle in first.

At 2-years old, Oliver still amazes me every day. He is talking so much more, 4-5 word sentences in both English and Chinese. He is using proper grammer, often says "I'm watching", "I'm done." And loves to describe things like "The blue trash can is behind the car." He is even singing the ABC song and Chinese version of Twinkle Twinkle little star. I have looked this up, and he's probably at a 3 year old level in speech skills. And I think most strangers can understand more than half of what he says, especially when he always remembers to say "Thank you", "Please", "Bless you", "Excuse me" (sometime adding psss...psss at the end because I did it once.) and sometimes "You're welcome".

Oliver still loves music. He now sings while he's playing with his toys, and dances whenever he hears music. He is interested in other musical instruments such as the cymbals, saxophone, and violin. It seems that he just gets excited about music and even recognizes the sound of the piano when he hears it. Every once in a while I'll find a video on YouTube to show him how an instrument works and sounds. He always watches intently and I feel like he's just absorbing it all until he gets his hands on one for real. When we are in the car he also asks me to turn up the music or to skip a song that he doesn't want to hear.

Since we stopped taking classes a few months ago, we've just been having more play dates and going out more. We love riding the trolley at the Grove, and the zoo is still one of our favorites. Most places we go now he's able to walk most of the way himself. He's good about stopping at the intersection, and always looks for a ramp to walk across instead of stepping up and down the curbs. He is very good about stopping at a sign or red light, and reminds me to go when the light turns green. And at the play ground, he is always waits for his turn.

Oliver continues to be helpful around the house. Now he can help open and close the car door, take off his own shoes and put them away when he gets home. He's good about letting me put on sunscreen before going out. And even though he now says "no" sometimes, he still does it eventually or we do it together. I'm always happily surprised when I walk away and come back to see the toys put away. One day we brought home a bunch of stuff from Costco, he started to help me bring in the boxes one by one from the car to the house. It was so nice for him to help, and he didn't just carry the light stuff!

When we are out, it doesn't take too much work to get him to leave with me when it's time to go. I try to let him know what's coming after we leave so there's something to motivate him. Then we say bye and thank you to the place or toys before we go. If we are with friends, he'll always give them a hug or high five. Those times I really do feel lucky and spoiled that I don't have to carry a crying baby out of a store.

And when it comes to sharing, Oliver is the most generous baby I know. He never gets upset when someone else takes his toy. I have explained to him when that happens that it's because the other person really wants to play too but hasn't learned to share. And a quick replacement of something else usually is ok with him. He has always loved to share his food with his family. And now he has learned to say "Try this!". Although he doesn't like to try as many food himself. However, if it's something he wants to eat, like a bagel or berries, he not only won't share, he asks for the biggest piece. Or maybe offer you a smaller piece.

At some point, Oliver started to show how empathic he can be. Any time he hears or sees a child crying, he stops what he is dong and watches to try to understand what's going on. I am usually next to him explaining to him what happened and what is being done to help. Oliver can also say the phrase "somebody help" which is really cute and thoughtful. A few times he has walked with me over to the child who is upset, I'll explain to the parent that he is very concerned. I will ask if he wants to rub their arm, tell them it's ok, or give them a hug. He is always happy to show them that he cares. At home, any time a stuffed animal falls, he always picks them up and give them a kiss. He does the same for his family when we are not feeling well. Today, a little girl at the park stepped on a bee. She sat on the bench while her mom took care of her. Oliver walked over, lifted up her bandaged foot and gave it a kiss. Then he asked "walk?" It was so sweet. I gave him a big hug after and told him how nice it was that he did that. And he saw her walk away and I think he felt better too.

Oliver now also asks me for permission. When he wants to bring along a toy out of the house, he'll pick it up and say it's name like a question while showing me the toy. "Boat come?" "Two toys?" When he asks so nicely and looks so cute, it's hard to turn him down. He also waits before touching his food for me to wipe his hands, and asks if he can go outside to play.

One of the most exciting thing to see is how his sense of humor has developed. He's always been a little silly and purposely do things to make us laugh. The latest thing he does is he'll hold something the wrong way and say "Like this?" and keeps going by figuring out what other wrong way he can do it. He also likes to make up words and funny sounds and waits for me to repeat it. One day I took the wrong street and told him I got lost, he sat in the back and started laughing. I asked "Are you laughing because mommy got lost again?" And it was as if he couldn't contain himself and laughed even harder and said "yah!"

Another amazing milestone is his sense of imagination. Pretend play is a popular game these days where we have imaginary dirty when playing with his trucks, imaginary food from his imaginary kitchen which is just a blank wall. He loves to exaggerate and pretend things are very cold or very heavy. One day he looked at his toy stethoscope and said "Y", then said "Apple" pointing to the ear piece part which curved around and looked like an apple, then closed the ear piece part and said "O" like the letter O. It was so great to see how visual he is and made those connections. And today when we visited Kidspace Museum, while playing with these foam building blocks, he surprised me again. He took 2 shapes and made a chair, then he wanted to turn it into a car and proceeded to put the cylinders next to it. It was so wonderful to be able to witness that.

I am so proud to see how much he has learned and how he is able to use that information and apply them to all different areas of his life. I am really enjoying my days with him, and feel that I have the responsibility to continue to expose him to new experiences. I can't wait to see what else he comes up with.

Happy Birthday Part 2

After a fun day of nothing but "focused" playing, Oliver had a nice bath, and wanted to be wrapped up like a burrito in his yellow towel, sit in his rocking chair, and drink warm milk before bed. What a sweet boy!

Oliver on his 2nd Birthday

Happy Birthday Oliver!!

It's Oliver's 2nd birthday today. Yesterday we already had our play group over for a mini birthday party in the back yard. He had lots of fun sharing his toys and snacks. All the kids loved the "water slide" into the Hippo kiddie pool and bubble machine. The home-made water park was a big hit.

Today Oliver and I had to run a few errands together to get ready for the second party with the family tomorrow. We first stopped at the grocery store to pick up some coconuts and pineapple. We got his favorite blueberries, which he got so excited he started to play drum on the container. It was fun until he dropped it and blueberries rolled everywhere. We waited until someone came with a broom to clean it up. And Oliver apologized and thanked the man in the red hat who helped us.

Then it was off to Honey Baked to pick up a ham for the party. While we waited, Oliver ran around the store and came back to me to sample a piece of ham. He loved it! So we decided to have sandwiches there for lunch. He chose the high chair over the booster seat. (good choice!) and we shared some more ham, a slice of whole wheat bread, some gouda cheese, and some "little tires" (sliced olives). Oliver did attempt to make his own sandwich by putting the ham on top of his bread. This is something new since he likes to eat each food by itself.

While enjoying our lunch, he all of the sudden said "Ann Dooley!" I was so surprised because I am not sure when he learned that. He was looking right at me, so I think he knows he's calling my name. It was really cute. Then later on, I heard him sing while looking out the window. After listening closely, I realized that he was singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" in Chinese!! I had my phone and was able to record both of those. I had never heard him say those things and I was just so amazed by it.

Once we got home he played in the car for a while until it was time for his nap. We've been working on his nap and moving the time earlier for the past month. He went from not wanting to stop playing or me leave the room, to today, where he heard the cricket alarm I set to signal nap time and rolled over on the couch ready to be picked up. He told me he wanted the little book we were reading in the crib with him. Then he happily went to bed and talked to himself for about 10 minutes before falling asleep. It was so sweet and nice to know he understand it's time to rest and that when he wakes up I'll be there.

Only half the day has gone and we still have a whole afternoon to spend time together. I've got a lot to do for his birthday party, but I'm going to let those things wait and just enjoy our day having fun.

More to come later!

My first "Message from the President"-July 2010

It seems that 9 months is the magic number for me to get used to anything new. I went from being terrified by the idea of how much my life would change once I have a baby, to wondering how I ever lived without him. It took another 9 months to finally admit I couldn‟t do it all myself and hired a nanny. Then 9 months later, I let her go and joined the MOMS Club. And here we are, 9 months after joining, I've become the president of the Club.

I've always been a busy body. Having projects and coming up with new ones invigorates me. I really believed that not even a baby would slow me down. And when I was faced with the reality, and a bit of an identity crisis, I was devastated. The constant stress and sleep deprivation wore me down. Unfortunately that wasn't enough motivation for me to join the Club. I couldn't get over that I was no longer a "career woman". And saw “seeking support” as “being defeated.”

I spent many hours watching Oprah for inspiration when one show spoke to me. Someone said, you need to grieve for your old self before the baby because you'll never be that person again. Embrace the new you, because you are yourself, and so much more. This insight was the turning point. I realized my naive misconception held me back from being a part of such a wonderful organization. As I have learned that we all had to make adjustments in our lives for the benefit of our children. How selfless and admirable it is to be a stay-at-home mom. And for anyone who's been in the same place I was, I can confidently say that the Club has given me a new sense of purpose and belonging. It has renewed my energy and opened my mind. I am proud to be amongst such an extraordinary group of women. I am busier than ever doing the most rewarding and important job that I‟ve ever had.

I am honored to be in this position to be able to offer support to other moms in need. I hope to bring you and your children many fun and entertaining activities, as well as valuable information and assistance. I look forward to getting to know everyone. I appreciate having the opportunity to give back to a club that has helped me so much. And I am here to help with my arms and heart wide open.

Ann Dooley

President of MOMS Club

West Hollywood and Hollywood Chapter

Ann's projects -completed

I've been busier than ever with work not related to Oliver. I had gave myself a goal to have my first book published by my birthday. It didn't happen on time, but I have sent in the file and it should be up on Amazon.com for purchase early July. I can't believe it's really happening. I am excited and proud of myself for coming up with this project and following through with it. The title is now called "Quick Tips For First-Time Moms: A Simple and Practical Guide to Finding Balance". For the longest time I was only writing it for the first 3 months after giving birth. Those were really the toughest days I've ever had. Then I realized that a lot of the tips applied to pass that phase, and anyone with a baby can benefit from ways to get organized and bring more balance to their lives. So after many revisions and edits, I finally just had to go for it. This was a good experience working on the book and finding my own voice and style of writing. And I'm excited that I already other book ideas in mind. I found out a friend knows someone at a good publisher, maybe I can approach them with my book too and see where it goes.

Another project completed is the website redesign for the MOMS Club. I had volunteered a while back to make the site more of a resource that you can return to, then just an introduction of the Club. It's been great working with the moms in the group. One person programs the site, another helps to edit the content, another provides photography. It's truly a team effort. The design has been well received, and we're going to launch the site at the MOMS Club annual banquet, which I was in charge of planning...and where I'll be introduced as the new President of the Club!!!

So basically I had volunteered for a bunch of things to help out. It's all things I enjoy doing and it gave me a project to keep working on my design skills. When the position opened up because the person who was going to do it was moving away, I was so flattered that the executive board thought of me for the position. I was excited and knew I can do the job. So I accepted and started the process of learning the responsibilities of the job, as well as getting to know the members who I haven't met. I can't believe I have taken on a position that requires me to speak to a large group of people, but that was one of the reasons why I wanted the job. It's always been my fear, and what better way to get over it than to do it. It's much easier to practice in front of a group of people I already know...plus the babies will be a distraction if I ever mess up. I am loving being able to be helpful and connect with people. I think this job will really help me grow in so many ways. And I can show Oliver that his mommy conquered a fear and helped other people at the same time.

Going back to the banquet, I had designed the look of the event and made the party favors. This is another benefit of the President's position, that I get to do more event planning and build a little portfolio of cake decorating and event design.

This is a party favor bag I designed. It's an iron on to make these draw string bags custom-designed for our event. Inside we have 2 specialty-teas and some hand decorated cookies.

Another big project was 2 bathroom make-overs for my parents' house. They went on a trip to Asia for 2 months. And while they were gone I needed to stop by to check on the house. I decided they needs an update on their 2 bathrooms. So after a few trips to Target and Osh, I repainted both of them, and replaced everything from trash cans to towels. I really liked how they turned out. And they were happily surprised when they got home. My mom still says how much more relaxing it is to be in there that she doesn't want to leave!

I've also finished a few freelance projects from past clients. I was doing so much work that didn't make any money, I thought it was time to take on some paid jobs. I hope with Oliver taking good naps that I'll be able to work more, especially now that all the big projects are done.

Coming up next...

Members-Only Section for the MOMS Club website.

Do some marketing and promoting of the book

Planning Oliver's 2nd Birthday Party

Chris's Birthday celebration

and then...off to Hawaii for a much much much needed family vacation!!!

Baby Milestone - Twenty-Two and Three Months

Oliver continues to be the light of my day. He only gets more beautiful in every way, especially his loving gentle soul. He is pure joy and so much fun to be around. And continues to surprise me with his ability to learn new skills and words. He is also well mannered and extremely considerate. He remembers to use please and thank you. And likes to share his food and toys with others. He's never grabbed a toy out of another baby's hand, and also doesn't get upset when someone does that to him.

The past 2 months my parents have been away on vacation in Asia. Oliver missed his a-ma and ye-ye who normally visits him twice a week. He has learned the phrase that they've gone on an airplane to Taiwan, but once in a while he still looks out the window hoping to see my parents show up.

With a little more flexibility in our schedule, we've been able to have a few more outings. Oliver still loves to go to the zoo. And now we walk most of the way together which is a lot of fun. We also visited a friend who lives walking distance from the beach. Even though it was a cloudy day, Oliver still had a great time playing in the sand. We also went to Disneyland for the first time with his Grandma and Aunt Pat. He loved being in the hotel elevator with the big glass windows overlooking the fish and turtle pond. At the park, he enjoyed riding on the train, but a little scared of the other rides.

Grandad who normally visits us on Fridays alone, has surprised Oliver a few times with visits with Joan. Oliver loves playing with them, and Joan takes great photos of Oliver while playing. We've also gone out to Grandad's house a few times. Oliver loves to help do the dishes, water the plants, and sweep the floor. What a great house guest! Oliver really does help out a lot around the house. Now I can ask him to do something, walk away, and come back to see the toys all put away. And he knows when there's food crumbs on the floor, to get the broom and dust pan.

He is taking after me to be a good host when we have play dates at our house. He's very generous with sharing his toys and food. He is especially kind to his stuffed animal friends, who takes turns sleeping in his crib. His favorite toys now are his toy trucks with "boy", bus with "driver", Woody from Toy Story, and the latest a toy truck that looks like a tow truck in his favorite book "Cars, Trucks, and Things that Go". He loves trucks so much, he'll often run to the window when he hears the garbage truck passing by. And we're "lucky" to have many road constructions going on in the neighborhood to be introduced to construction trucks such as the back hoe and cherry picker. One day we just brought some water and snacks and sat in the middle of the sidewalk to watch all the construction work. We even took him to a "Touch-A-Truck" event where he was able to sit and honk the horn in every type of trucks imaginable. He even got to operate a backhoe, his favorite digger.

Our morning routine now is taking a walk as a family to a coffee shop, and once in a while we'll be joined my a MOMS Club friend and baby. Sometimes we'll sit on the porch before Dad leaves for work and watch trucks go by. Then we wave and shout out "I love you!" while Oliver waves his little hand. These days Oliver comfortably says 3 word sentences, and knows the alphabet. Every night before bed time we'll call Daddy at work and say good night. He also wishes us Happy Birthday with a big smile even not on our birthday, and says I miss you and knows what it means. His favorite Chinese phrase is "bu-shu-fu" which means "not comfortable." And at bed time, he often says "more play, no sleep." and "mommy, no leave. Stop!" which makes me very sad.

The sleep thing became something I needed to make changes to our routine because Oliver has become an expert at stalling. We played too much in his room and it was difficult for him to switch it off by bedtime. For a while we pretended his crib was a bus so he'd get inside, but then he just wanted to keep playing. So I came up with an idea to use the alarm on my phone and told him it meant it was time to get in the crib, and the second alarm means Mommy has to leave the room. It worked amazingly and he's been so good about getting into bed and not get upset about it. I do see the disappointment in his face, but I try to give him lots of kisses so he knows I'll be there when he wakes up.

Oliver still loves playing music. He's always love the drums, but now also enjoys the guitar and singing.

Oliver also had his first visit to the preschool he'll be going in September. He really loved it there with a huge sand box with rakes and trucks, little houses to play in, so much to do outdoors but all under the shade. I was so happy that he felt comfortable there. So much so that he didn't want to leave. I'm excited for him once he starts there 3 days a week.

In the coming months Oliver will have lots more first time experiences. He'll be going to a ball game, and getting on a plane to Kauai for a family vacation. It'll be so much fun! I can't wait!

Moms Club May 2010 Newsletter

MOM OF THE MONTH: ANN DOOLEY

Who is in your family? Myself, my husband of 8 years, and our 21 months old son Oliver.

When and where were you born? May 10th 1975, in Taipei, Taiwan.

What brought you to LA? My parents moved me and my sister here to go to school. I was 10 years old at the time.

Where did you go to college & what was your major? I graduated from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena. I majored in Advertising.

What was your first reaction when you found out you were pregnant? I thought "Is this for real? Now what?" unfortunately I had a miscarriage that time, so with the second pregnancy, i was excited but nervous at the same time.

How did you tell your husband or other family members you were pregnant? The first time we invited everyone to dinner and told everyone at the same time. The second time we bought pictures frames that you can put 2 photos facing each other. On one side we put a photo of my husband and myself. On the other, an ultrasound image of little Oliver.

How did you choose your child’s name? We both just really liked the name Oliver. And it just felt right. We used his grandfather's name as his middle name.

What kind of work do/did you do before becoming a full time Mom? I was an art director at the Walt Disney Studios in Burbank. I designed posters and other marketing materials for feature films. I also designed and sold a line of tshirts that have positive affirmations printed in reverse so you can read it while looking at your reflection.

How would you describe being a mom? It's the hardest thing I've ever done. You are exhausted all the time, but you find the energy to keep going. You can be anywhere, with anyone, and still work your baby into the conversation.

What are your favorite hobbies? I like to decorate: cakes, houses, parties.

You will often find me in the backyard with Oliver.

If you were stranded on a desert island what book, movie & TV show would you want to keep yourself entertained? A history text book because I was never good at it in school and I'd have no choice but to read it. And I'd watch LOST.

Always had a crush on? Sean Connery...but I think it's time for me to move on.

I will never give up My microwaveable heat pillow. I use it around my neck, lower back, my feet, and even warm up the bed before I go to sleep.

If you could spend the rest of your life with access to one delectable dessert what would it be? Chocolate cake, the really dense kind that takes a long time for the fork to sink into.

What is your favorite activity to do with your child? We love going to the zoo together, but when we are home, I love it when we act silly and play together on the bed.

What is your biggest parenting challenge nowadays? Get Oliver to eat something other than blueberries.

How would you like the world to change for your kids? I hope people will put more focus on being giving, and being understanding and accepting of people different from yourself.

Have your interests changed since becoming a parent? Definitely. I personally don't enjoy dirt or insects, but it seems like it's in a boy's nature to gravitate towards them. I do admit it was fascinating to see a snail almost standing up to move across from one leaf to another.

What are some of your guilty pleasures? Reality Tv. Survivor, Project Runway, Real Housewives from coast to coast.

What defines you as a person and a mom? I am a very patient person. It comes in handy being a mom.

What would be the perfect weekend for you if you could leave the kids with the perfect nanny and money and distance were no object? I'd love to go to some remote island with my husband and just get spa treatments and eat fresh fruits all day long. 14

What would you like to do when the kids are a bit older and you have more time to work or pursue hobbies? I have a few book ideas in mind. I'll be publishing my first book Quick Tips For First-Time Moms: Finding Balance In Your Fourth Trimester. I will continue to do graphic design, cake decorating, and I'd also love to do some event planning work.

Any tips you wish to share with other moms? A scrapbook is nice, but who has time for that these days. So I started a blog when Oliver was only a few weeks old. I write letters to him and include any milestones and photos. I also have found it to be therapeutic when we've had a tough day. I look forward to the day when I can share those letter with him.