Mom called around 9:30 am on August 26th, 2008. She told me to stay calm, then she said dad has past away. I was in disbelief, but knew right away I had to be strong and be there for my mother who found her husband dead. My parents have not shared a bedroom in many years because of my dad snored very loud. That morning my mom woke up to use the restroom and still heard dad snore through the walls. 4 hours later, he was cold on the floor with his feet elevated while lying down. We think he was probably feeling dizzy and did that to help the blood flow. I stayed on the phone with mom while I got myself ready. Then Chris drove me and Oliver to the house as fast and safely as we could while the paramedics went to my parent's house. When I arrived, my mom was talking to the police and the paramedics informed me what I already knew. The hours after that was a lot of phone calls trying to figure out what to do next. Dad did not like talking about any planning for funerals, so he never did make any plans. I did my best to keep it together and try to comfort mom the best I could. Chris kept Oliver occupied, but I'm sure Oliver sensed something was serious and did his best to stay out of trouble.
The strange thing was Oliver never asked where is YeYeh, when his Ama and YeYeh always visited together. And other strange things happened earlier in the week. My mom taught Oliver how to say my dad's name in chinese during their weekly visit, Oliver took a 2 hour nap, then woke up asking "where is Chang Tsze Tsan?" I told him YeYeh went home. I was amazed by his memory. Dad's energy has been decreasing and he'd been complaining about not getting enough sleep for the past few years. He started to fall asleep during their visits to see Oliver. It's hard not to feel some guilt for not looking into more closely at his health. I just see dad looking the same way he looked 20 year ago, muscular and tanned. He was such a handsome man who aged into a very cute older man. I do believe knowing his personality, he down played his pains and discomfort. He's never believed in doctors and always reminded us how his friends who goes to the doctors always end up dead. He felt that the fear of whatever disease itself can kill you. And even though we know that smoking is bad, we never pushed hard for him to quit. It was what he says the only few leisure thing for him to do.
With no ambulance was called and no doctors, the police told us the coroner would do the exam to find out the cause of death. We have a few guesses ourselves, but I know that Dad would have never wanted to live with an illness that would keep him hospitalized or be in bed. I really do believe that he went in the simplest way that reflected his personality the most. He didn't bother anyone, he attempted to take care of himself by putting his feet up, and quietly he went while everyone else was asleep.
That week it was also strange that Chris came home in the middle of the day while Dad was still at our house. Chris never does that, but he forgot something and had to come back. Although it was a brief stop, he got to give Dad a hug and say good bye. The chair that Dad was sitting in hasn't been moved. it was where he sat and watched mom, myself and Oliver play. I sat in the chair today and talked to him, I was sad and miss him dearly. I know he'll continue to watch over us. And I feel like from what he saw, he probably felt that he has nothing to worry about.
These last few days have been so strange. During the day I stay strong, but then when I am tired or alone I break down. I know it's all normal and I do want to allow myself the time to grieve. I continue to have images of Dad on the floor, and the words that came out of my mom's mouth that day. I try to remember all the great times we've had, and as I remember them, I realize how sensitive and an amazing Dad he was. And I wish we had a little bit more time together because he's had a very tough few years and we are just now starting to heal.
I do feel how his death has changed the rest of us. Immediate our family was brought closer together, and we are reminded of how much we need to treasure the time we have together. My relationship with mom which has had it's ups and downs feels like it's going to make a big shift for the better. My sister and I closer and relate to one another as adults. My relationship stronger, and my desire to share stories of YeYeh with Oliver intensified. Maybe Dad has once again done something to bring a family together. That's what he would have wanted.
I love you Dad. I miss you!