The day finally came...

First of all, I debated for a while whether or not to keep those photos or even post them. It's not common for anyone to speak freely about a loss such as the one we experienced. And I decided that this is apart of our lives, and as sad as it was at the time, it will not be remembered as a sad experience.

On August 8th, 2:15 pm. Our first doctor's appointment, and what was supposed to be our first ultrasound to hear the heart beat of the baby we've already fell in love with at 9 weeks. We found out the disappointing news through the ultrasound, that there was no fetus growing inside me. My body just had a delay in catching up to it and was still functioning as if everything was fine. It was confusing at first because we didn't know this can happen, but the doctor assured us that it was very common especially for first time pregnancy. And it's something that the body does when it knows the cells would not grow into a healthy baby, there wasn't anything we could have done to prevent it. It is unfortunately, but it just happens. If we had not seen the doctor at that time, I would have a miscarriage naturally within 2 weeks.

It doesn't make it any easier to accept what happened, but that was all we can do. And the moment we looked forward to for 9 weeks turned into grieving for our loss. It was a moment that brought Chris and I closer than ever, we had to be there for one another for the life we created and lost. And we allowed ourselves the time to feel those emotions and adjust to living our life the way we did 9 weeks prior.

However, like I said, this experience will not be remembered as a sad one. I've always been a very positive thinker in even the worse situations. I think this may top that list. Being the workaholic busy bee that I am, having a baby was a very scary thought. It wasn't about the pregnancy or raising the baby, but losing my identity as a career woman, a business owner, a wife and daughter. My time is already so packed with things to do for ourselves, I didn't know how to fit in a new life or what part of my existing life to give up.

The pregnancy was a surprise for us, we didn't think it'd happen so fast, but when it did everything changed. It was amazing how effortless your priority shifts on their own. I was taking even better care of myself. Chris was taking great care of me. And all those fears and anxiety I had didn't seem as big of a deal anymore. I felt very comfortable being pregnant, and I was happy all the time. I never took that many naps (especially in the movie theater, I slept through most of Bourne Ultimatum) I have never been as absent minded and I found it funny to be going through all those changes. And up until telling our family, Chris and I shared our little secret, a new challenge for us to face together, a new goal to become good parents.

When we found out it didn't work out for us this time, we looked on the bright side that the fact that we were able to conceive and my body for the most part reacted well was a great thing. We found a wonderful doctor who we like and trust. And with each friend we talked to who has given us so much love and support, we learned how common it really is for this to happen. And all of them later became proud parents of beautiful children.

This experience has given us a new outlook on life. And the life that was once so close to our hearts will always be remembered as the one who gave us the chance to learn so much about ourselves, our inner strength, our ability to heal, our courage to move on from heart ache. And make our hopes and dreams more clear.

Chris and I plan to plant something in the yard in memory of our loss. I hope the little angel knows we'll always think of him/her with fond memories. And to you, my dearest friends and family, Chris and I thanks you all from the bottom of our hearts for being there for us through it all.

The Big Announcement

On August 2nd, Chris and I invited the the rest of our family to Gourmet 88 in Burbank to announce the good news. It's always difficult to coordinate a get together with our family, but this time with my parents in the middle of moving out of the house they lived in for 15 years, trying to pull them away from that for a dinner was not an easy task. Not only that, when I went to pick up my parents from the house, my dad actually asked if my tummy was getting bigger (which in chinese it's the same thing as getting pregnant)! I denied it of course, not wanting to ruin the surprise. And after sitting anxiously in traffic, we finally all made it to the restaurant.

As we did with Chris's mom, we waited till after we ordered our food to break the news. Then there was cheers, tears, and hugs for about ten minute. And lots of happiness all around the table for the rest of the evening.

At the time we were 8 weeks pregnant, with our first doctor's appointment scheduled for the following week. I was feeling great, eating healthy and sleeping well. No one can guess what we'd find out at the doctor's visit. But it doesn't take away from the joy we felt that day at dinner.

Weekend in San Diego

On Friday, July 20th, Chris and I drove down to San Diego to see his mom for her birthday and to share the news about the baby. We gave ourselves enough to leisurely make our way down, and had time to stop for some food along the way. Turns out when when you get pregnant, eating and sleeping is about all you can think about. We had the best pizza at a Roundtables Pizza we found just off the freeway. I know it wasn't the healthiest food, but it sure hit the spot.

We had done enough traveling in the last few years that we earned enough points to use it for a free room at the Marriot. We had a lovely room high above to see the city...unfortunately we didn't take in consideration it was also very close to the train tracks. We found that out at 2 am.

We met up with Chris's mom for dinner at Ruth Chris's steak house where we spent her last birthday. Our plan was to wait until after we order the food. And once she found out, she was so excited she had to tell the first person she saw, our waitress Beth. Which paid off later when Beth came back with a free desert!





The next day we met at the mall for lunch with mom's friend Pat. We went to a Cuban restaurant and as I found out, outdoor umbrella lighting gives my skin a nice warm glow. I posed happily after I enjoyed my Cuban sandwich.






Mom got many new gifts from Pat for her new apartment that she was moving into, mostly purple stuff. (It's her favorite color) And I got a stack of books from mom about pregnancy and giving birth. And not to leave Chris out, he got to see his mom and his wife both very very happy!

More photos from Rushmore

Rushmore...the way everyone else sees it:


The must have photos:






We were very tired on this trip...

Up, up, and away!

On July 10th, I got to go on my first helicopter ride. And what better way to experience it than at sunrise with the pilot who worked on Transformers (the movie, not the toys) to be the very few in the world to see Mount Rushmore from the air? It was worth waking up at 3 am with only a few hours worth of sleep for sure. I was lucky enough to go with my work for the photoshoot for National Treasure 2: The Book of Secrets, where the story takes place at Rushmore. We had to get a special government permit to be that close to the monument. We were as close as 75 feet away from George Washington's nose!



Because it was so close to Independence Day and also fire season, all the helicopters in the area were not available for rent. So our pilot Peter, and his father Peter Senior, flew their own helicopter from Santa Monica, California all the way to South Dakota. (Doesn't Jr. look like George W?)




It was also my first time in South Dakota (may be the last time...) it was very nice and quiet, but not much else. The most excitement we got was from the big storm passing through. We were walking around after dinner when it just started to hail! Luckily it wasn't cold, just very wet and windy.




We had our most of our meals at a brewery that used to be a firehouse. And since I was pregnant at the time, I was the designated driver...on a trip that doesn't involve me doing any driving. Although I didn't experience any morning sickness during the pregnancy, I did get motion sickness from the helicopter ride. That was the not so fun part. Other than that, I had an amazing once in a life time experience.

It's been a while...again

Hello again, and sorry that I have not updated my blog in a long while. Most of you already know why by now, but I am going to to stick with my system here and try to give a short update in chronological order. However for those who don't know, at the time the last entry was posted, Chris and I had just found out we were having a baby...so please make a note that the photo of my holding a martini glass...that did NOT have any alcohol in it! And see, I still had a great time. Unfortunately as you read on, you'll find out the pregnancy ended unexpectedly. In a later entry, I will talk about it more. I'll just we're feeling much better now. So read on to what I've been up to...