President’s Message
For days I've been staring at the blank page on my computer screen trying to think of what to write for this month's message. It's been a tough time for me personally. I lost my father about a month ago, and life has been a big confusing blur ever since. And these days, it takes more energy and focus than ever to take care of those who still needs me. The time between putting Oliver to bed, and before my husband gets home from work, has become the toughest part of my day. When it's quiet in the house, it's only me and my thoughts.
So many things went through my mind with so much urgency for finding a solution. How do I tell my son that his beloved grandfather will not be back for his weekly visit? How do I preserve his memory in the mind of a 2-year old? What lessons from my father do I want to pass down? The side of me that needs to have control was able to stay strong for my mother, while the side that understands the need to grieve did not want to step up to the plate.
My father was a great caretaker. He lived a simple life and always made sure his family had what they needed. He was a strict parent when we were younger, and didn't show much emotion or affection. When he did, it was through making us food, keeping the car I drove gassed and running smoothly, and constantly reminding me to take my vitamins and eat more. It was only in the short time that he's been with his only grandson, that a different side of him emerged. For the first time in my life, I got to experience a playful silly side of my dad. And he could not hide how happy he was being a grandfather. And I am so grateful that they had the chance to know one another.
As a mom, I do everything I can to protect my child and keep him from feeling sad or scared. I am also aware that he needs to know that people do experience sadness, but we can move forward and be happy again. While I was trying to figure out how to explain this loss to my son, I reminded myself that children are built with amazing coping skills. They are faced with so many unknowns and fears everyday, but they can bounce back with extreme resiliency. So when Oliver finally asked for his grandpa, I explained that he went to a far away place and we are sad that he won't be visiting us anymore. Oliver did ask again to confirm if grandpa will come over. I said no, but we can look at pictures and pretend to "call him on the phone" if we miss him. At that moment, my heart ached for both of us. Oliver listened and behaved as if he was putting the pieces together in his head. He asked a few other times with a seriousness in his tone. I felt that in his own way, he has accepted the fact that people can go away and never return. This has added to his separation anxiety during bedtime, and asking "Are you coming back?" whenever someone leave the room.
So one day at a time, I tried to show Oliver that we can move forward and be happy again. And I made extra efforts to give him a sense of safety and security. I don't know how this experience with change us. I can only reminded myself to face the unknown and keep moving forward.
What has been the most amazing part of this experience is the overwhelming love and support my family and I have received during this difficult time. I've felt so much genuine emotions from everywhere, as if I was wrapped around by a big warm blanket. Especially the friends I've made in the MOMS Club who were unbelievably generous with their time to be there for me. The members of executive board have all stepped in to help take care of my responsibilities when I couldn't. Many of them brought over dinners and offered to help in anyway they can. It is a real blessing to have such strong support. And it reinforces our club motto Moms Offering Moms Support, regardless if it's the beginning of a new life, or when one comes to an end. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for being there.
