Just about me...almost

These past week has been very tough on me. It all started when Oliver and I got into a car accident. It felt like one of those scenes in the movie where everyone else can see the car is about to hit you but you. Luckily no one was hurt. I don't even think Oliver realized what had happened. We were on our way home after visiting Chris at the office. A normal Friday afternoon interrupted by someone who was in a rush to go somewhere. He didn't even want to give me any of his information. I was intimidated and knew that I couldn't just let him leave without giving me something. I did manage to get a phone number, and he was truthful about the car not being his. He did however lied about his mom being in the hospital and that he had to leave. Things got worked out for the next few days with insurance and renting a car. I was surprised by how easy the insurance company have made it for us.

I think with that happening, I had to readjust my schedule and plans. It's not something I enjoy in my days. Everything is already so out of my control, having something like a car accident really throws me off. I had to reschedule a meeting I set up with a new potential design job. And leave the house after Oliver goes to bed for my meeting. It was strange to go out by myself at night. I couldn't remember the last time I did that. The meeting went really well. The name of the company is OLIVE U and the owner Jennifer needed someone to design appliques for her. She had received many referrals, but felt that I was right for the job. And so far she's been extremely happy with my work.

This past weekend was the Halloween party for the moms club. I'm enjoying being part of the club, mostly the outings that I don't need to come up with myself. It's nice to have some more mom friends to talk to. So far there are a few moms I enjoy talking to. Others are a little more intimidating. I think they are the ones that I feel like I have to really work on making conversations with them. I guess I don't really have to try that hard. I can't expect to get along with everyone, and the few that do seem more friendly towards me are enough for the short time we hang out with the babies. The party was nice and I was friendly with everyone. The highlight, although bums me out a bit, was a young boy telling me what a "sorry looking banana costume" I had on. One that I spent hours making and was very proud of. He didn't agree. I also made Oliver's Tarzan costume, which worked out pretty well.



Oliver got sick the next day. It could have been the other kids at the party, or when it cooled down for the evening. He had a runny nose and slight fever. When he gets sick he likes to be held a lot, so it was hard physically to keep carrying him. I'm happy to do it, but I can feel that all the holding and chasing him around has really taken its toll on my body. And being so close to him too puts me at great risk of getting sick also.

I can feel myself getting more sensitive to everything happening throughout the day. I felt anxious, tired, hopeless at times. I realize how stressful my job is to take care of Oliver. There's never a break, and even when he goes to bed, there's still more work to be done. Weekends don't matter either. It just never stops. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute of it. I think it's not that I don't want to do it. My body and emotions are just tapped out. I try to give 100% all the time, and I can feel that it's slipping down. It's not even about getting more sleep. I guess it's about making the time to give myself a break, both physically and emotionally.

Then yesterday, Oliver took a big fall in the backyard which left his nose and cheek bruised. He is fine, but along with the cold and teething he looks like a mess. Amazingly he is still in good spirits. Lately he started to push and pull me to where he wants me to go. He loves to see me sweep and vacuum. He keeps me moving all day long. We have discovered a children's museum nearby and joined the membership. So now we have the zoo, and the museum to go to whenever we can schedule it in. I've found that I much rather be out with him and let his surroundings entertain him than just me. It's probably better for him anyway. Although he never turns down a ride on the toy giraffe around the house while I pull him.

So...I had a break down. I cried while feeding Oliver dinner and expressed to him how tired I was. And he laughed at my tears, which made me realize maybe it's not that big of a deal. He gave me a hug, and it made me cry even harder. I just needed to release all the tension I've been suppressing. Because all of these days I have shut myself down so I don't have any needs to be fulfilled for myself. It's not a good plan because it just made life so much harder. I'm not sure what I'll do differently, but I know Oliver will benefit more from a mom who is more relaxed and takes care of herself.

In Transition

It seems that both Oliver and I are in a transition, we are both well on our way to figuring out who we are right now. We both have a lot going on each day, and luckily it's been mostly good. Actually there are very little not so great moments, but mostly it's because we are both tired.

I'll start with Oliver. Like most things now in my life, he comes first. It's like an automatic switch has been turned on where I don't even have to pause to see the world through his eyes. he has trained me well to meet his needs before all others. He is smart, I have 33 more years of experience than he does and he never hesitates to ask for help. Now that he knows how to sign "please" and the overly used "more", he can get just about anything. I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining. I'm not. His happiness is closely tied to mine. And even at times when I do feel like complaining, it's only when I'm exhausted.

Oliver is back in the new semester of music class. He's been a bit shy around the new kids in class, so he's been holding me very tight around the neck with his chubby cheek pressed against my. Then the teacher brings out a new music instrument, he'd go over to see what it is. This class has really shown me the mellow and curious side of him. When other kids want to push him out of the way, or grab a toy from him, he just observes and not react negatively. He dances to his own rhythm, sings when he feels like joining in, and hangs out by the corner so he can get a good view of the entire space. He is independent, and has many ideas of his own.



Other times he is the life of the party. When he goes to visit Dad at the office, he walks around unsupervised and finds his way. He plays his favorite game peek-a-boo with anyone who is interested, and visits his uncle Brumby for the little solar powered toy plant. He has no problem finding things to keep himself entertained, and loves to pick rocks from the atrium and give them to his Dad. It's funny that just a few months ago he can walk underneath Chris's desk, but now he needs to watch out or he'll bump right into it. I'm guessing he's about 33, 34 inches tall now.

Before Oliver's nanny Michelle finished up working for us, I wanted to make sure that Oliver would take his naps in his crib. It was easier when Michelle came that she can walk him in the stroller while I do my work around the house. However, I just can't walk that much in a day, especially when we like our morning walk as a family about 2 miles round trip to get coffee on Sunset Blvd. Oliver not only naps well in his crib, he has also transitioned himself from 2 naps (9:30, 1:30) to 1 nap at 1pm for 2 hours! It's been consistent and wonderful for me. Even though at first I didn't know what to do with all that time, I soon learned to just stop and rest. He often wakes up laughing, talking and singing (which meant he had a great nap). And that makes me very happy.

Oliver's also has moved from the bottle for milk to a sippy cup. And the high chair to eating at a small table and chair set I got from IKEA. He can get up on the chair himself, and I am teaching him to stay seated while he eats his meal. These days he can't live without bread and fruits. And he can eat bananas all day if I allowed it. He calls them mama! He is also well on his way to feeding himself with a spoon. It's funny to watch him chase the food around.

On Sundays, Oliver goes to his swim class. Even though it's only 15 minutes each week, he is making really good progress. He has stopped crying through the classes, and is having a great time with the instructor Lana. It often seems like he doesn't want to leave, and he waves to her goodbye. Now he has no problem jumping into the water, and float on his back.



The biggest change is Oliver's ability to imitate actions. Sometimes you just have to show him once and he learns how to do it. Some of things he enjoys doing now is spinning till he falls down dizzy, drawing with crayons, bath himself with soap and fill a cup with water to rinse his body, throwing away his dirty diapers (now I don't even have to follow him to the trash can) and using the hand sanitizer afterwards, helping me with laundry by putting the dirty clothes in the hamper, or pushing the clothes into our front loading dryer, he loves to water the plants with a watering can, clean up with the broom or vacuum (not well enough to actually clean, but he likes to try), He loves to throw the ball, and getting better at t-ball.



So last week, October 3rd to be exact, Oliver gave me the first real kiss on the cheek before he went to bed. It was the sweetest little kiss. I was so happy and excited, I started to cry. Of course I did! Wow, it was wonderful. Since then he's given me many more kisses and hugs, but I'll always remember that first time. : )

These days I still take Oliver to the LA zoo every chance I get. We must have gone there over 10 times this year. He loves seeing the animals, collect leaves, and just explore the land.



Now on to myself. First of all, I slept really well last night. Everything seems to be working in a good rhythm. I'm able to do all the chores with Chris and Oliver helping me whenever they can. My new freelance design job is going really well. My friend Corri and I worked very well together back when we both were at Disney, and now even though he is in Colorado, we are able to get so much done through our phone, email, and video chat. I am able to get some more urgent projects done while Oliver is napping. The rest of the work I do after he goes to bed for 2-3 hours. At first that felt very stressful. Between taking care of Oliver (which takes more energy than ever to keep up with him), taking care of the house (chores, running errands, overseeing home improvement projects), I really don't get any time to rest. Because as soon as one stops, the other picks up. By the time I finish making dinner, it's time to hop on the computer. It really was overwhelming.

This past week, I took on even more. I was helped some friends designing flyers for their kids' school.They loved my designs, and I realized that in the future it would be helpful to tell any potential schools Oliver might want to get into that I can do flyers and t-shirts.

The other thing was that I finally signed up to join the Moms Club of West Hollywood. Our friend and neighbor Carla is the VP of the club, she's been asking me to join since I met her almost a year ago. I was very hesitant because I knew it would involve me doing some design or cake decorating from time to time. And even though I am someone who loves to help out, you can understand my hesitation by how much I already have on my plate. After asking them to swap baby sitting while Chris and I went to the Hollywood Bowl for a Kylie Minoque Concert (which was really fun and an amazing show!) I thought it was time to join the Moms Club. I just had to get it out of my head that it was going to be "work", instead remind myself that it's a group to support each other. So a few days ago I attended our first meeting. Oliver had fun playing with the other babies, and I had a chance to be informed by a guest speaker about private elementary schools. I also joined the event planning committee to talk about our Halloween party. I volunteered to bring cupcakes, design the evite, and a background for a photo booth at the party.


Since then there's been many email exchanges with my new friends who all are very nice. I think this is a good opportunity to let my guard down and not assume I know how the club will affect my life. I believe I will relax more and start to really enjoy the benefits of having that support, especially now that I'm taking care of Oliver all day and working part time.

A quick photo update: Chris was a part of his friend Dave's wedding last month. It was a nice wedding at the Pasadena City Hall, a beautiful spanish court yard with an amazing fountain. The highlight of the whole experience was a photo booth they set up for the guests. We had fun posing as you can see.



I haven't taken new photos of the new room set ups after we made the switch, but this is the view I'm looking at now while I sit on the bed comfortably with a laptop. Oliver is taking a nap at the moment, and the birds are chirping...life is good.